Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!



TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!


The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"



Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"



A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."



# Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !
# Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !
# Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !
# Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !
# Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !
# Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
# Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.
# Teacher: and what is "don't" short for
Pupil: Doughnut !
# Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !
# Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
# Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !
# Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?



One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.





In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.
First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,
WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted.........................




The 4-year holiday called engineering

20 things common to all engg colleges:

1). The lecturers dont teach.The students dont study.The only guy who benefits is the one who owns the 'dhaba' next to the college.

2).Rules are made to be broken.

3).Promises are made to be broken.

4).Deadlines are made to be extended...ALWAYS!

5).Guys always think the chics in the college next lane are more beautiful.

5).The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.

6).The lab assistants are the most respected people(during the lab exams i.e)

7).The watchmen are the people most bribed.

.The HOD is the person most respected(heights of sycophancy here).

9).The principal is the person most abused and insulted(behind the back i.e)

10).Dropping subjects is 'cool'.(arre yaar..drop the idea of dropping subjects plzz).

11).There is always a lecturer in the college who cant speak proper 'english'.

12).Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.

13).The most important tool..the bhramastra..is the 'chit' in which the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them(in most of the cases i.e)

14).The freshers are the most sought after..be it in the canteen,the 'free' periods or for completing the records,assignments.

15).The second-years are the ones with the 'I am the don-of-the-college' feeling.

16).The third years are the ones with the 'so-many-backlogs' feeling and the poor souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so long.but the fun still continues.(I gave 22 exams last year!!).

17).The fourth years have no connection with the college whatsoever...with no interest in ragging,pulling each other`s legs,the bday parties,the bday bums et al which they enjoyed so much till now.All they want is a good placement and a '1st-class' tag attached to their memo.

19).The first three years are spent in cursing the college,the people there,the system et al.

20).But towards the end of the fourth year,people tend to feel nostalgic abt the pure unadulterated fun they have had for 4 years.Now the very system they disliked,the very canteen they cursed,the time that they spent there,the bday bums they suffered..all these seem like heaven to them.


*********


The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"




TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!

TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY! : Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same
time."

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
home.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Teacher: What do you call a person who ! keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher



Teacher: Why are you late?
Manu: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Manu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Manu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Manu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Teacher: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Manu: Me!
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Manu: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Manu: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Manu: A teacher