More Sardar Jokes, Santa Banta Jokes

Cow par baithe ek sardar ko traffic police ne rok kar kaha:
Aap ka helmet nahi hai..?? Chalan hoga..!!
Sardar: Dhyan se dekh neeche andhe four wheeler hai.

Good News
Sardar ki promotion ho gayi exective se manager ban gaya.
Wo ghar gaya aur bivi ko naye style main bataya ‘tu aaj raat manager naal soye gi’
Bivi behosh.

Who is an Ass?
Santa singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne wala gadha" (One who reads it, is an ass.)
Santa singh thought for an hour, erased and wrote back, "Likhene waala gadha" (One who wrote it is an ass)


Play Left Handed
Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc.
Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500"?
Santa: "But you are too damn good".
Gary: "Ill play left handed".
Santa can't resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves .......
Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov.
Banta: "You are an absolute fool Santa."
Santa: "Why"?
Banta: "You fool, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed".


Magical Machine
Joginder Singh was at the International Airport at Delhi along with his wife and two sons to catch a flight to Abu Dhabi, as he had got a job there. He saw a machine with various colorful bulbs glowing, which had a message stating "Insert One Rupee coin and I will speak the truth".
Joginder inserted a coin then the machine said "Your name is Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". Then his wife inserted a coin and the machine said "Your name is Smt. Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". He experimented with histwo sons and got truthful replies.
Joginder still could not believe this so he again inserted a one Rupee coin in the machine . The machine said "You are Joginder Singh and you have just missed the flight to Abu Dhabi".



Backward Direction
Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction.
This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction .
While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"


Sardar Answer
Q. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.


Wife's Death
Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja rahe the ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru ho gayi.
Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai.

A SARDAR wanted TWINS......... So what did he do?
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He made 2 holes in the CONDOM !!!




Where is the fat?
Mr. Banta went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items.
Banta asked "Where is the fat?"
The person didn't understand what singh was saying and said "Excuse me sir, FAT???"
Banta: "Yes Fat, Give me the fat"
Banta started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Banta about the problem.
Banta said Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.


My Father
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes, I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa Singh : Yes, I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.

Sacrifice
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted, "Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "
and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"
And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.



Kargil War!
The Sikh regiment was climbing a hill in the Kargil sector during the war when suddenly from the direction of the summit the Pakistani regiment opened fire on them. The Sikh regiment took cover behind boulders and started to return the firing. The firing continued for a long time and no progress was made so the Sikh regiment's captain thought that since the names of almost all the pakistani soldiers are like Yusuf Iqbal Mustafa etc. he'll call out their names and the moment they react to the call we'll shoot them.
So he started calling out-"Yusuf" four hands shot up and they were gunned down. Then the captain called out-"Iqbal" three hands shot up and they were gunned down this continued for a few more minutes till the Pakistani's got wise and stopped responding.
The Pakistani captain then thought that at this rate all his men would be killed so he adopted the strategy of the Sikh captain and thought that all Sikhs have names rhyming with Inder like Sukhwinder, Devender, Jaswinder etc.
So the Pakistani captain started calling out "Sukhwinder" no hands shot up from the Indian side. The Pakistani captain again called out-"Sukhwinder" still no hands shot up.
The Pakistani captain called out the same name twice again when instantly came the reply that-
"Oye Sukhwinder nu kaun yaad kar-riya si?" (who is remembering Sukhwinder?).
The Pakistani commander immediately shot up his hand and said- "Main" (me) and BANG he was shot dead.


Affair with a horse
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.'
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'


What's the time
A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western accent to our Santa (owner)....
What's the time??
Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........
Bra-panties!!
Confused the lady asks again.........
No! No! What's the time??
Santa again answers back..........
Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!!
Seeing the confusion going between the two another
man comes to the rescue of the lady and says.......
O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade ko time puuch rahii hai gayee!!
Angry Santa shots back at him.........
Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)


Scaring kids...
Our Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I m having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Balvinder is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
Our Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.
"You bastard," says Santa, "my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"


Disease?
Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"


In the heaven
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Dharam Raj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Dharam Raj lets him in without another word.


Nail in the window
Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what happened.
He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked",
His wife said "then why didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!
Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".


Squaring off!
Santa goes into a very exclusive hotel for a night with a call girl and asks for a room. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever.
In the morning Santa and the girl came to settle the bill and were surprised to find the amount to be over $3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" Santa was annoyed.
"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis course, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained Santa.
"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said Santa.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"
"If you didn't use - that's your problem!"



Family's economoics!
Banta's son is having trouble understanding Economics, so he asks his dad.
"It's very simple," explains his dad. "Let me make it simpler through comparisons.
Since I'm the one who earns for the house, I can be referred to as the Management. Since your mother runs the household, she will be called the Government, the maid is the Working Class, you are the People and your baby brother, since he's so little, will represent the Future."
With that, the little boy goes away to ponder over all that has been said.
That night, his baby brother's wailing awakens him. So, he rushes to his parents room and sees that his father is not in his bed while his mom is fast asleep. He then goes to the maid's room to find his father busy making out with the maid. Tired of everyone ignoring him, the boy goes back to his room.
Next morning, Banta asks him about what he had learned the previous day.
"Well," replies his son, "While the Management is screwing the Working Class, the Government is fast asleep, People are being ignored and the Future is full of shit."



Cycle and Car...
Santa goes to a bar in London for a couple of drinks. As he is sitting alone and drinking, he notices a sexy woman sitting in a corner, alone and staring at him. At first he tries to ignore her, but the sight of her huge boobs is still rolling in his mind and he looks at her again. Now the woman smiles back at him and Santa gets very excited.
He gulps down a couple of neats and gathering courage goes upto her and says, "Excuse me...I am Santa from India. Can I sit here and buy you a drink?"
The woman agrees and soon both of them are drinking away like good old friends. Then after everything is through Santa and the lady walk out of the bar. But Santa is in a great mood to screw her.
Again gathering courage and slighty drunk, he asks her, "Eschcuse me, can we have sex tonight, please??"
The lady says, "Well I don't mind, but you see I’m on my menstrual cycle"
"No problem" says Santa "you proceed in your menstrual cycle, I will follow you in my Honda Accord!"


Banta dreams
Banta Singh complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night. Before it happens, do you see any dreams? the doctor said.
Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee. OK, the doctor said. Next time you see the demon, say, No, we've already peed.
Next time Banta came to the doctor, the latter asked, So? Did you do as I said?
Yes, I did.
Did it help?
No, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse.
How?
As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded and said, 'Then, let's shit a little.



My pyjamas
A Sardar goes over to visit one of his friends.
While he is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily the type that is not going to stop. His friend tells him to spend the night at his house and go home the next day.
When he hears this, he rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small bag. So his friend asks "Where did you run off too!"
The Sardar says "I went home to get my pyjamas!"



Threat
"I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" the friend asks.
"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"



Constipated Horse
Banta goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated."
The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."
Banta comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.
The vet says, "What happened?"
Banta says, "The horse blew first."



Santa Banta in US
Once Santa and Banta reach US they decide to part ways and meet after a year.
After the decided time they meet and Santa comes on a bike but Banta comes in a limousine. On inquiring Banta tells Santa that he has installed a machine which gives a very good blow job for one dollar and thus have minted money.
Impressed they again part ways with an agreement that they will meet again next year. After a year Santa comes in a private jet while Banta comes in another limousine.
Banta inquired on the sudden prosperity and was told that He (Santa) has also installed a similar machine but have modified it to take two dollars only after which it allows you to withdraw.



XXX movie
Once there was a sardarji!! he always used to see triple xxx movie and after seeing that movie, his penis used to get hard enough and then he used to have sex with his wife!!
This continued till many years until one day after seeing that movie, when his penis became ready to hit the target of his wife, something went wrong and before reaching the target, his penis had gone down !
The Sardarji was shocked and so he went and again watched the movie and again his penis became hard , so he ran to his wife but till he reached there, his thing had again gone down!
His wife was disappointed and so was sardarji !! so he got one idea ! He took a tub full of water and then he again went to watch the movie and when his penis became hard, he immidiately put his penis inside the tub which was filled with water!
Sardarji's wife got surprised and asked , "arre, yeh app kya kar rahe ho? "sardarji replied " mai dekh raha hun, kahin meri penis Puncture to nahi hogaye"!!

Searching wives
Santa & Banta both lost their wives and were searching for them when they bumped into each other "Where are you hurrying to?" asked Banta
"I lost my wife!"
"Really? Even mine. How did yours look like?"
"hmm... She was tall, slim, had huge tits, sexy soft and sweet ass, she was wearing a mini skirt at last, What about you?"
"Forget mine lets search for yours!" replied banta.


Sex Education
Government planed to implement Sex Education in school. School authority wanted to send our Santa Singh's wife Preeto for special training course in Sex Education.
Preeto: "No Sir..! I don't want to take part in that course." Principal: "No..! But why ..?!"
Preeto: "Somebody told me yesterday..the Final Exam will be Oral!"


Great Santa
Santa is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..


Application Form
A sardar ji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes.



Kasam
Santa:Yaar bade udaas ho. Kyun?
Banta: Yaar meri biwi se meri ladaai huyi aur tab se woh mujhse 30 din tak baat nahi karne ki kasam kha chukhi hain.
Santa:Toh isme udaas hone wali baat kya hain.
Banta:Yaar Kyunki aaj 30va din hain.

2 SMSs
Santa (2 banta): Yaar tu mujhe hamesha ek hi sms do baar kyun karta hain.
Banta: Taaki agar jo tu ek sms forward kare toh ek toh tere paas rahe.


Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,Do I look
like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this
village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted
mirror.
Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will
you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!



Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India.
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What "which part"? Whole body was born in India.
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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
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Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
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Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is "All India Radio!"
*************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

4 comments:

Bill Austin said...

Your site has won a Blog of the Day Award (BOTDA)


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Bill Austin

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Maahi Behl said...

OMG. So Scientific Research. Santa Banta Jokes

Vivek kumar said...

Hindi Jokes
Jokes in Hindi
Santa Jokes in Hindi
Banta Jokes in Hindi

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