tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4572608864079072052024-03-04T20:46:55.962-08:00A Scientific Research on JokesHindi Jokes, Funny Jokes, Sardar jokes, Cute Jokes, Santa banta Jokes, All Jokes.anshihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02598879963080149010noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-77597292348802272392010-03-01T00:03:00.000-08:002010-03-01T00:15:06.314-08:00चुटकुलेप्रश्नः आप एक पतली दुबली सुखक्ड, लोमडी को हथिनि कैसे बना सकते हैं ?<br /><br />उत्तरः बस उससे शादी कर डालो !<br /><br />=============================================<br /><br />बच्चा अपने दोस्त से बोलाः कल मेरे घर लडका पैदा होगा !<br /><br />दोस्तः वाह, क्या बात कर रहे हो, पर तुम्हे कैसे पता की लडका ही पैदा होगा ।<br /><br />बच्चा बोलाः अरे साफ है, पिछली दफा मेरी मम्मी को पेट दर्द हुआ था और उसके अगले दिन मेरी मम्मी को लडकी पैदा हुई ।<br /><br />इस बार मेरे पापा को पेटदर्द हो रहा है, तो बात साफ है कि लडका ही पैदा होगा !<br /><br />=============================================<br /><br />महिला दंतचिकित्सक के पास गई और बोलीः डा. साहब डाढ़ निकलवानी है, और अगर बगैर सुन्न किये, ये कार्य करेंगे तो फीस थोडी कम होगी ना ?<br /><br />डा. साहबः जी हां, फीस आधी होगी ।<br /><br />महिला दरवाजे पर खडे एक मरियल से मिमियाते डरते हुए व्यक्ती से बोलीः सुनो जी, आ जाओ, बेठो इस कुर्सी पर ।=============================================<br /><br /><br /><br />• संता: ओये, लडकी देख, कितनी सोनी है.<br />बता: मुझे तो उसका नाम भी पता है.<br />संता: क्या नाम है.<br />बंता: में बैंक गया था, वहां यह एक काउंटर पे बैठी थी, नेम<br />प्लेट पे लिखा था: चालू खाता<br />=============================================<br /><br />• संता: मुझमे और बिल गेट्स में क्या समानता हैं?<br />बंता: मुझे नही पता.<br />संता: अच्छा में बताता हूँ... न वो मेरे घर आता हैं और न में उसके घर जाता हूँ!<br />=============================================<br /><br />•लडकी: क्या तुम मुझसे शादी के बाद भी प्यार करते रहोगे?<br />संता: ये सब तो तुम्हारे पती के ऊपर हैं, अगर वो ऐसा चाहेगा तो में तुम्हे जरूर प्यार करूँगा.<br /><br />•जीतो संता से: ऐसे लड़कियों को देखना बंद करो, अब तुम शादी-शुदा हो.<br />संता: तुम्हारा मतलब हैं की में अभी diet पर हूँ, और मैं मीनू कार्ड भी नही देख सकता हूँ?<br />=============================================<br /><br />•संता बंता से: पाँच जानवरों के नाम बताओ जो पानी में रहते हैं?<br />बंता: 1 मेंडक.<br />संता: ठीक है होर दस?<br />बंता: मेंडक दा प्राह, भेन, पियो ते माँ.<br />=============================================<br /><br />•बंता: मेरी बीवी मुझे छोड़ के चली गई.<br />संता: तू उसका ख्याल नही रखता होगा.<br />बंता: अरे यार, सगी बहन की तरह रखता था.<br />=============================================<br /><br />• संता: कुतुब मीनार कहाँ है?<br />पप्पू: पता नही.<br />संता: कभी घर से निकला करो.<br />पप्पू: राम लाल कौन है?<br />संता: पता नही.<br />पप्पू: कभी घर मी भी रहा करो.<br />=============================================<br /><br /><br />•नर्स- बधाई हो: आपके जुरवा बेटे हुए हैं.<br />संता: ये तो होना ही था.<br />नर्स- क्यों?<br />संता: जब देखो केबीसी पार्ट-2 देखती रहती थी, मिल गया न उम्मीद से<br />दुगना.anshihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02598879963080149010noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-86215635388488791172010-02-24T07:35:00.001-08:002010-02-24T08:03:56.380-08:00Thanks Sachin Once Again for 200 runs : Videos"Sachin created History once again..and now the creation of histories by sachin is an old news "<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8N7MH1_2k-WKl_cBGCYaeOh60v9TCmaJ3EOiswIs2e8u9Q76s-K0HfgEmifJDKmKt6N8bQiet3icXp7p1es63YaC40rOTLKsGJguR-be4BHw2XvVIOHVpetFbamOxwE45J2HpT_lVq__/s1600-h/sachin_tendulkar_200_runs.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 160px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8N7MH1_2k-WKl_cBGCYaeOh60v9TCmaJ3EOiswIs2e8u9Q76s-K0HfgEmifJDKmKt6N8bQiet3icXp7p1es63YaC40rOTLKsGJguR-be4BHw2XvVIOHVpetFbamOxwE45J2HpT_lVq__/s320/sachin_tendulkar_200_runs.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441837691410871010" /></a><br /><br /><br />Cant find words to tell what Sachin you are..I heard a news reporter saying God told Sachin to go on Earth play Cricket and come back, but I dont agree perhaps God also doubt how this master got this much..I send him to play not to conquer the Cricket.<br /><br /><br />Anyways, just like all other indians, I am also feeling delighted to be countryman of Sachin's country. Really sensational.<br /><br />Guys, I went through youtube to watch the video of sachin's great triumph, but its my cute feelings that is telling me to post all videos in blog. <br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/X-1lH7KU9ys&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/X-1lH7KU9ys&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hwoND1zj5eQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hwoND1zj5eQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XEh9ELFgnFg&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XEh9ELFgnFg&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sUzEUn_GV-o&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sUzEUn_GV-o&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KA2Bwx_RLHY&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KA2Bwx_RLHY&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RI9Q9bPI4W4&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RI9Q9bPI4W4&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/F7xf9dao-qw&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/F7xf9dao-qw&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mIu5W54Epew&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mIu5W54Epew&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">At last, I pay my sad to all budget analysts who could not get on to TV screen due to our master Sachin. Sachin you rocked and made us forget the political/regional budget of Mamta with cheers.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-486178610395694302010-02-24T06:25:00.000-08:002010-02-24T06:30:42.835-08:00Fun Humor And EntertainmentHello friends..gonna start blog with lots of new jokes and humor once again...keep reading and keep enjoying life..I decided to start the blog once again after remembering the short shayari by Satya Narayan Sattan in my home town,which goes like this in hindi,<br />"teri aankho ke www dot com me.......ghum aaya dunia tamaam mein"" meaning(for my english friends) <span style="font-weight:bold;">" in the www dot com of your eyes,I traveled whole world " </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-5067332825637893132010-02-24T06:24:00.000-08:002010-02-24T06:25:10.950-08:00Some More JokesON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING<br />ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL YOU GIVE ME A RING?<br />HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.<br /> <br /><br />A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?<br />Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.<br />I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.<br /><br />Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgi di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha. Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha!!!<br /> <br /><br />Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".<br />The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"<br /><br />Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?<br />Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.<br /><br /> <br /><br />1sardar teliscope se star dekh raha tha 5 min. after star girta hai to 2sardar said good shotUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-69704584247736129232009-05-13T20:22:00.000-07:002009-05-13T20:26:10.195-07:00Gujrathi SmsPrem: Dil mate<br /><br />Dil: Laagni mate<br /><br />Laagni: Manushya mate<br /><br />Manushya: Khoosurat Duniya mate<br /><br />Duniya ni Khoobsurati: A to Mara dost fakt tara ma<br /><br /><br /><br />Dosti ma jivjo,Dosti ma marjo<br /><br />Himmat na hoy to Dosti na karjo,<br /><br />Zindagi nathi amne dosto thi pyari<br /><br />Dosto mate j 6e jindagi amari.<br /><br /><br /><br />Tamari sathe maro jug-jug no nato<br /><br />Haiya ma 6e hajaro mithi vato<br /><br />Dil ni dhadkn ne Aatur aa ankho<br /><br />Pu6i rahi 6e Su tame pn mane am j chahso?<br /><br /><br /><br />Sukh ni aakhi anukramanika<br /><br />Andar Dukh na prakran<br /><br />Tame Jindagi vaanchi chhe?<br /><br />Vancho to padse samjan..<br /><br /><br /><br />Aavta haso cho.<br /><br />Jata haso cho.<br /><br />Savare haso cho.<br /><br />Ratre haso cho.<br /><br />Sukh ma haso cho.<br /><br />Dukh ma haso cho.<br /><br /><br /><br />Tamne shu lage cheee ?<br /><br />Tame ekla j “Close UP” ghaso chooo !???<br /><br /><br /><br />Har 1 swass ma tari yaad muku chhu,<br /><br />Mara thi vadhu viswas tara ma muku chhu,<br /><br />sachvje mara aa vishwas ne jatan thi<br /><br />mara swass ne tara visvas e muku chhu<br /><br /><br /><br />Bhina varsad ni komal<br /><br />bund moklu chhu,<br /><br />aankh to khol tane<br /><br />ujas moklu chhu,<br /><br />pila padi gaya pratiksha na<br /><br />pandada,<br /><br />antar thi tane khusbu bhari<br /><br />yad moklu chhu<br /><br /><br /><br />Bolo nahi to chalse Mithi nazar bas che,<br /><br />Haso nahi to chalse Dil ma rakho to bas che,<br /><br />SMS karo k na karo tamari marji,<br /><br />Tame aa SMS vancho a j bas che..<br /><br /><br /><br />Dur Rahine Pan Pase Rahevani Mane Adat Che,<br /><br />Yad Banine Ankho Mathi Vehvani mane Adat Che,<br /><br />Pase Na Hova Chata Pase J Lagis Mane ehasas Banine Rehvani Adat Che.<br /><br /><br /><br />Bolya kare a maitri,<br /><br />chup rahe a prem<br /><br />milan karave a maitri,<br /><br />judai satave a prem<br /><br />hasave a maitri,<br /><br />radave a prem,<br /><br />to pan loko maitri mukine kem kare chhe prem??Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-75594896499251649172009-05-13T20:21:00.000-07:002009-05-13T20:22:05.691-07:00Aisi apni Wife hoAise apni Wife ho<br /><br />5′4″ jiski height ho,<br /><br />Jeans jiski tight ho, Chehara jiska bright ho,<br /><br />Weight mein thodi light Ho, Umar me difference slight ho,<br /><br />Thodi see wo quiet ho, Aise apni Wife ho.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,<br /><br />Bheed me sab kahe side ho, side ho,<br /><br />India ki paidaish ho,<br /><br />Saas ki seva jiski khwahish ho Aisi apni Wife ho.<br /><br />Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,<br /><br />Dinner candle light ho, Dono me na kabhi fight ho,<br /><br />Milne ke baad dil delight ho, Yeh poem padhke sab kahe<br /><br />“Guru,tum right ho”,<br /><br /><br /><br />Aise apni Wife ho.<br /><br />Kaash yeh concept 0.0001 percent bhi right ho<br /><br />Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya hasin life ho<br /><br />Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho Kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho<br /><br />Khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki na gunjaish hoo<br /><br />…aisi apni wife hoo……aisi apni wife hoo… …aisi apni wife hoo…Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-61952439942586607642009-04-17T10:57:00.000-07:002009-04-17T11:00:06.936-07:00More Sardar Jokes, Santa Banta JokesCow par baithe ek sardar ko traffic police ne rok kar kaha:<br />Aap ka helmet nahi hai..?? Chalan hoga..!!<br />Sardar: Dhyan se dekh neeche andhe four wheeler hai.<br /><br />Good News<br />Sardar ki promotion ho gayi exective se manager ban gaya.<br />Wo ghar gaya aur bivi ko naye style main bataya ‘tu aaj raat manager naal soye gi’<br />Bivi behosh.<br /><br />Who is an Ass?<br />Santa singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne wala gadha" (One who reads it, is an ass.)<br />Santa singh thought for an hour, erased and wrote back, "Likhene waala gadha" (One who wrote it is an ass)<br /><br /><br />Play Left Handed<br />Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc.<br />Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500"?<br />Santa: "But you are too damn good".<br />Gary: "Ill play left handed".<br />Santa can't resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves .......<br />Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov.<br />Banta: "You are an absolute fool Santa."<br />Santa: "Why"?<br />Banta: "You fool, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed".<br /><br /><br />Magical Machine<br />Joginder Singh was at the International Airport at Delhi along with his wife and two sons to catch a flight to Abu Dhabi, as he had got a job there. He saw a machine with various colorful bulbs glowing, which had a message stating "Insert One Rupee coin and I will speak the truth".<br />Joginder inserted a coin then the machine said "Your name is Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". Then his wife inserted a coin and the machine said "Your name is Smt. Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". He experimented with histwo sons and got truthful replies.<br />Joginder still could not believe this so he again inserted a one Rupee coin in the machine . The machine said "You are Joginder Singh and you have just missed the flight to Abu Dhabi".<br /><br /><br /><br />Backward Direction<br />Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction.<br />This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction .<br />While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"<br /><br /><br />Sardar Answer<br />Q. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?<br />A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.<br /><br /><br />Wife's Death<br />Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja rahe the ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru ho gayi.<br />Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai.<br /><br />A SARDAR wanted TWINS......... So what did he do?<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />THINK....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br /><br />He made 2 holes in the CONDOM !!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Where is the fat?<br />Mr. Banta went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items.<br />Banta asked "Where is the fat?"<br />The person didn't understand what singh was saying and said "Excuse me sir, FAT???"<br />Banta: "Yes Fat, Give me the fat"<br />Banta started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Banta about the problem.<br />Banta said Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.<br /><br /><br />My Father<br />Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.<br />Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?<br />Banta Singh : Yes, I have.<br />Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.<br />Banta Singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?<br />Santa Singh : Yes, I have.<br />Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.<br /><br />Sacrifice<br />Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.<br />Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."<br />All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.<br />Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.<br />After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted, "Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"<br />"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"<br />"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"<br />"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"<br />"Jai jawan jai kissan "<br />and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"<br />And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.<br /><br /><br /><br />Kargil War!<br />The Sikh regiment was climbing a hill in the Kargil sector during the war when suddenly from the direction of the summit the Pakistani regiment opened fire on them. The Sikh regiment took cover behind boulders and started to return the firing. The firing continued for a long time and no progress was made so the Sikh regiment's captain thought that since the names of almost all the pakistani soldiers are like Yusuf Iqbal Mustafa etc. he'll call out their names and the moment they react to the call we'll shoot them.<br />So he started calling out-"Yusuf" four hands shot up and they were gunned down. Then the captain called out-"Iqbal" three hands shot up and they were gunned down this continued for a few more minutes till the Pakistani's got wise and stopped responding.<br />The Pakistani captain then thought that at this rate all his men would be killed so he adopted the strategy of the Sikh captain and thought that all Sikhs have names rhyming with Inder like Sukhwinder, Devender, Jaswinder etc.<br />So the Pakistani captain started calling out "Sukhwinder" no hands shot up from the Indian side. The Pakistani captain again called out-"Sukhwinder" still no hands shot up.<br />The Pakistani captain called out the same name twice again when instantly came the reply that-<br />"Oye Sukhwinder nu kaun yaad kar-riya si?" (who is remembering Sukhwinder?).<br />The Pakistani commander immediately shot up his hand and said- "Main" (me) and BANG he was shot dead.<br /><br /><br />Affair with a horse<br />Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'<br />His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'<br />Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.'<br />Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.<br />'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'<br /><br /><br />What's the time<br />A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western accent to our Santa (owner)....<br />What's the time??<br />Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........<br />Bra-panties!!<br />Confused the lady asks again.........<br />No! No! What's the time??<br />Santa again answers back..........<br />Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!!<br />Seeing the confusion going between the two another<br />man comes to the rescue of the lady and says.......<br />O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade ko time puuch rahii hai gayee!!<br />Angry Santa shots back at him.........<br />Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)<br /><br /><br />Scaring kids...<br />Our Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.<br />"What's up?" he says.<br />"I m having a heart attack," cries the woman.<br />He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Balvinder is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"<br />Our Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.<br />"You bastard," says Santa, "my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"<br /><br /><br />Disease?<br />Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.<br />"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.<br />"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."<br />"Don't you mean polio?"<br />"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."<br />Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.<br />"What happened to your knees?" she asked.<br />"Well, I also had Kneesles."<br />"Don't you mean measles?"<br />"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."<br />When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"<br /><br /><br />In the heaven<br />A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Dharam Raj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.<br />In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:<br />1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".<br />2. How many seconds are in a year?<br />The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...<br />1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.<br />2. There are 12 seconds in a year.<br />DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"<br />The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."<br />Dharam Raj lets him in without another word.<br /><br /><br />Nail in the window<br />Once a Sadarji came home with his left forehead bleeding his wife asked him what happened.<br />He replied "there was a nail in the window of the bus that pricked me each time the bus jerked",<br />His wife said "then why didn’t u exchanged your seat with some other passengers, that did not know about the nail!<br />Sadarji replied "How can I exchange my seat when there were no other passengers in the bus other than me".<br /><br /><br />Squaring off!<br />Santa goes into a very exclusive hotel for a night with a call girl and asks for a room. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever.<br />In the morning Santa and the girl came to settle the bill and were surprised to find the amount to be over $3000.<br />"How's this? We've only been here one night!" Santa was annoyed.<br />"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis course, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."<br />"But we didn't use any of these!" explained Santa.<br />"If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply.<br />"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said Santa.<br />"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"<br />"If you didn't use - that's your problem!"<br /><br /><br /><br />Family's economoics!<br />Banta's son is having trouble understanding Economics, so he asks his dad.<br />"It's very simple," explains his dad. "Let me make it simpler through comparisons.<br />Since I'm the one who earns for the house, I can be referred to as the Management. Since your mother runs the household, she will be called the Government, the maid is the Working Class, you are the People and your baby brother, since he's so little, will represent the Future."<br />With that, the little boy goes away to ponder over all that has been said.<br />That night, his baby brother's wailing awakens him. So, he rushes to his parents room and sees that his father is not in his bed while his mom is fast asleep. He then goes to the maid's room to find his father busy making out with the maid. Tired of everyone ignoring him, the boy goes back to his room.<br />Next morning, Banta asks him about what he had learned the previous day.<br />"Well," replies his son, "While the Management is screwing the Working Class, the Government is fast asleep, People are being ignored and the Future is full of shit."<br /><br /><br /><br />Cycle and Car...<br />Santa goes to a bar in London for a couple of drinks. As he is sitting alone and drinking, he notices a sexy woman sitting in a corner, alone and staring at him. At first he tries to ignore her, but the sight of her huge boobs is still rolling in his mind and he looks at her again. Now the woman smiles back at him and Santa gets very excited.<br />He gulps down a couple of neats and gathering courage goes upto her and says, "Excuse me...I am Santa from India. Can I sit here and buy you a drink?"<br />The woman agrees and soon both of them are drinking away like good old friends. Then after everything is through Santa and the lady walk out of the bar. But Santa is in a great mood to screw her.<br />Again gathering courage and slighty drunk, he asks her, "Eschcuse me, can we have sex tonight, please??"<br />The lady says, "Well I don't mind, but you see I’m on my menstrual cycle"<br />"No problem" says Santa "you proceed in your menstrual cycle, I will follow you in my Honda Accord!"<br /><br /><br />Banta dreams<br />Banta Singh complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night. Before it happens, do you see any dreams? the doctor said.<br />Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee. OK, the doctor said. Next time you see the demon, say, No, we've already peed.<br />Next time Banta came to the doctor, the latter asked, So? Did you do as I said?<br />Yes, I did.<br />Did it help?<br />No, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse.<br />How?<br />As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded and said, 'Then, let's shit a little.<br /><br /><br /><br />My pyjamas<br />A Sardar goes over to visit one of his friends.<br />While he is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily the type that is not going to stop. His friend tells him to spend the night at his house and go home the next day.<br />When he hears this, he rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small bag. So his friend asks "Where did you run off too!"<br />The Sardar says "I went home to get my pyjamas!"<br /><br /><br /><br />Threat<br />"I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."<br />"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."<br />"Easy for you to say."<br />"You like her that much?" the friend asks.<br />"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"<br /><br /><br /><br />Constipated Horse<br />Banta goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated."<br />The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."<br />Banta comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.<br />The vet says, "What happened?"<br />Banta says, "The horse blew first."<br /><br /><br /><br />Santa Banta in US<br />Once Santa and Banta reach US they decide to part ways and meet after a year.<br />After the decided time they meet and Santa comes on a bike but Banta comes in a limousine. On inquiring Banta tells Santa that he has installed a machine which gives a very good blow job for one dollar and thus have minted money.<br />Impressed they again part ways with an agreement that they will meet again next year. After a year Santa comes in a private jet while Banta comes in another limousine.<br />Banta inquired on the sudden prosperity and was told that He (Santa) has also installed a similar machine but have modified it to take two dollars only after which it allows you to withdraw.<br /><br /><br /><br />XXX movie<br />Once there was a sardarji!! he always used to see triple xxx movie and after seeing that movie, his penis used to get hard enough and then he used to have sex with his wife!!<br />This continued till many years until one day after seeing that movie, when his penis became ready to hit the target of his wife, something went wrong and before reaching the target, his penis had gone down !<br />The Sardarji was shocked and so he went and again watched the movie and again his penis became hard , so he ran to his wife but till he reached there, his thing had again gone down!<br />His wife was disappointed and so was sardarji !! so he got one idea ! He took a tub full of water and then he again went to watch the movie and when his penis became hard, he immidiately put his penis inside the tub which was filled with water!<br />Sardarji's wife got surprised and asked , "arre, yeh app kya kar rahe ho? "sardarji replied " mai dekh raha hun, kahin meri penis Puncture to nahi hogaye"!!<br /><br />Searching wives<br />Santa & Banta both lost their wives and were searching for them when they bumped into each other "Where are you hurrying to?" asked Banta<br />"I lost my wife!"<br />"Really? Even mine. How did yours look like?"<br />"hmm... She was tall, slim, had huge tits, sexy soft and sweet ass, she was wearing a mini skirt at last, What about you?"<br />"Forget mine lets search for yours!" replied banta.<br /><br /><br />Sex Education<br />Government planed to implement Sex Education in school. School authority wanted to send our Santa Singh's wife Preeto for special training course in Sex Education.<br />Preeto: "No Sir..! I don't want to take part in that course." Principal: "No..! But why ..?!"<br />Preeto: "Somebody told me yesterday..the Final Exam will be Oral!"<br /><br /><br />Great Santa<br />Santa is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..<br /><br /><br />Application Form<br />A sardar ji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.<br />Then he came to the column Salary Expected. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.<br />After much thought he wrote : Yes.<br /><br /><br /><br />Kasam<br />Santa:Yaar bade udaas ho. Kyun?<br />Banta: Yaar meri biwi se meri ladaai huyi aur tab se woh mujhse 30 din tak baat nahi karne ki kasam kha chukhi hain.<br />Santa:Toh isme udaas hone wali baat kya hain.<br />Banta:Yaar Kyunki aaj 30va din hain.<br /><br />2 SMSs<br />Santa (2 banta): Yaar tu mujhe hamesha ek hi sms do baar kyun karta hain.<br />Banta: Taaki agar jo tu ek sms forward kare toh ek toh tere paas rahe.<br /><br /><br />Interviewer: what is your birth date?<br />Sardar: 13th October<br />Interviewer: Which year?<br />Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR<br />Manager asked to sardar at an interview<br />Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?<br />Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.<br />After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,Do I look<br />like a foreigner?<br />Wife: No! Why?<br />Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?<br />One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this<br />village???<br />Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!<br />Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi<br />So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.<br />When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted<br />mirror.<br />Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.<br />Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will<br />you escape?<br />Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!<br /><br /><br /><br />Boss: Where were you born?<br />Sardar: India.<br />Boss: which part?<br />Sardar: What "which part"? Whole body was born in India.<br />*************************<br />2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.<br />Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb<br />explodes while fixing.<br />Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.<br />**************************<br />Sardar: What is the name of your car?<br />Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".<br />Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.<br />**************************<br />Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.<br />Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.<br />**************************<br />Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.<br />Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.<br />**************************<br />At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!<br />Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?<br />**************************<br />Sardar: U cheated me.<br />Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.<br />Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is "All India Radio!"<br />*************************<br />Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?<br />Sardar: An old king's skeleton.<br />Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?<br />Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-54811150996157226912009-04-16T11:03:00.000-07:002009-04-16T11:05:41.510-07:00जोक्स हिन्दी,चुटकुले, hindi jokesmहिन्दी जोक्स - संता बंताहिन्दी जोक्स पति पत्नी हिन्दी जोक्स संता बंता हिन्दी चुटकुले सिर्फ़ आपके मनोरंजन के लिए हँसी का ख़जाना यानी हंसगुल्ले<br />संता: डार्लिंग आज बरसात हो रही है मौसम बहुत अच्छा है,<br />कोई ऐसी रोमांटिक बात कहो की मेरे पैर जमीन पर न रहे,<br />पत्नी: डार्लिंग फांसी लगा लो<br />संता: एक किलो गाय का ढूध देना<br />बंता: लेकिन तुम्हारा बर्तन तो बहुत छोटा है<br />संता: ठीक है तो बकरी का दे दे<br />संता पत्नी से - शांति को बुलाओ<br />पत्नी- कौन अपनी कामवाली?<br />संता- हाँ<br />पत्नी- क्यूँ?<br />संता- डॉक्टर ने बोला है की गोली खाओ और शांति के साथ सो जाओ<br />लालू एक दूकान पर जाता है और दूकानदार से: ये बंदरवा का फोटो कितने का है रे ?<br />दूकानदार: ये फुटवा नहीं साहेब, वो तो शीशा है<br />हवाई जहाज रॉकेट से : तुम इतना तेज रफ़्तार से कैसे उड़ जाते हो<br />रॉकेट: ये तो वही जानता है जिसके पिछवाडे में आग लगी हो<br />एक पति उन लोगों से बहुत चिढ़ता था जो उसके हिसाब से बहुत बोलते थे। हाल ही में उसने गर्व से अपनी पत्नी से कहा कि उसने सुना है कि पुरूष एक दिन में 2200 शब्द इस्तेमाल करते हैं, जबकि औरतें 4400....<br />पत्नी बोली, "ऐसा इसलिए है क्योंकि औरतों को अपनी हर बात दोहरानी पड़ती है, जो वे अपने पति से कहती हैं."<br />पति: "क्या कहा फिर से कहना!"<br />एक दिन राजू के पापा एक रोबोट ले कर आये.<br />वह रोबोट झूठ पकड़ सकता था और झूठ बोलने वाले को गाल पर खीँच कर चांटा मार देता था.<br />आज राजू स्कूल से घर देर से आया था, पापा ने पूछा "घर लौटने में देर क्यो हो गयी?"<br />"आज हमारी एक्स्ट्रा क्लासेस थी" राजू ने जवाब दिया...<br />रोबोट अचानक अपनी जगह से उछला और जमकर राजू के गाल पर चांटा मार दिया.<br />पापा हंसकर बोले, "ये रोबोट हर झूठ को पकड़ सकता है और झूठ बोलने वाले को चांटा भी मारता है. अब सच क्या है यह बताओ, कहाँ गए थे?"<br />"में फिल्म देखने गया था" राजू बोला<br />"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने कड़ककर पूछा.<br />"हनुमान"<br />चटाक!!! अभी राजू की बात पूरी भी नहीं हुई थी की उसके गाल पर रोबोट ने एक जोर का चांटा मारा,<br />"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने फिर पूछा<br />"कातिल जवानी."<br />पापा ग़ुस्से में बोले "शर्म आनी चाहिए तुम्हे. जब में तुम्हारे जितना था तब ऐसी हरकत नहीं किया करता था."<br />चटाक!!! रोबोट ने एक चांटा मारा, इस बार पापा के गाल पर.<br />यह सुनते ही मम्मी किचन में से आते हुए बोली "आख़िर तुम्हारा बेटा है ना, झूठ तो बोलेगा ही"<br />अब मम्मी की बारी थी, चटाक!!!<br />संताः यार बंता, पिछले एक हफ्ते से एक लड़की मुझे परेशान कर रही है<br />मुझे पता नहीं कि उसे मेरा नंबर कैसे मिल गया, मगर जैसे ही मैं किसी को फोन करना चाहता हूं, वह बीच में ही कहती है- प्लीज रीचार्ज योर कार्ड !!!<br /><br />संता ने नासा में नौकरी करी<br />एक महीने बाद ही नासा वालों ने नाम बदल कर सत्यानासा कर दिया<br />म्यूजियम का मालिक संता से - तुमने 500 सालपुरानी मूर्ति तोड़ डी<br />संता - क्या !! अरे अच्छा हुआ मुझे लगा था नई थी<br />संता तलाक के ले कोर्ट में गया<br />जज ने कहा तुम्हारे 3 बच्चे है कैसे रखोगे ?<br />संता - कोई बात नहीं हम अगले साल आ जाएँगे<br />संता - जब में पैदा हुआ तो आर्मी वालों ने 21 तोपें चलाई थी<br />बंता - क्या बात कर रहा है सब का निशाना चूक गया <br />संता - पहली बार बॉम्बे प्लेन से जा रहा था<br />वो प्लेन में जोर जोर से चिल्लाने लगा<br />बॉम्बे बॉम्बे!!!<br />एयरहोस्टेस ने कहा बी सायलेंट<br />संता- ओम्बे ओम्बे<br />संता अंडरवेयर खरीदने गया<br />एक पसन्द की और पूछा कितने की है<br />दुकानदार - 500 रुपये<br />संता - भाई डेली वियर दिखाओ , पार्टी वियर नहीं चाहिए<br />बंता - ये चाकू क्यू उबाल रहे हो ?<br />संता - सुसाइड करने के लिए<br />बंता - तो फिर उबालने की क्या जरूरत है ?<br />संता - कहीं इन्फेक्शन ना हो जाएँ इसलिए<br />संता डॉक्टर से- डॉक्टर मुझे एक बीमारी है<br />डॉक्टर - कौन सी ?<br />संता - में इस बीमारी में सब कुछ भूल जाता हूँ<br />डॉक्टर - तुम्हें ये बीमारी कब से है ?<br />संता - कौन सी बीमारी ?<br />संता एक दिन प्रेशर कुकर खरीद के लाया और अगले ही दिन वापस कराने गया<br />दुकानदार - क्या प्राब्लम है इस में ?<br />संता - घर में जवान बेटी है और ये साला सिटी बजाता है<br />संता - कल रात मेरे घर की चोरी में छोड़ सब कुछ ले गई बस टीवी छोड़ गए<br />पुलिस - टीवी क्यू नहीं ले गए ?<br />संता - टीवी तो में देख रहा था ना<br />संता बंता जोक्स (Santabanta jokes)<br />एक कबूतर ने संता पर बीट कर दी<br />संता - ओए, तेरी माँ ने तुझे चड्डी पहनना नही सिखाई क्या ?<br />कबूतर - साले तू चड्डी पहन के करता है क्या ?<br />संता - केला कितने का है ?<br />केले वाला - 1 रूपये का 1,<br />संता - 60 पैसे में दोगे ?<br />केले वाला - 60 पैसे में तो केले का छिलका मिलेगा ,<br />संता - तो ये ले 40 पैसे केला मुझे दे और छिलका तू रख<br />संता - डॉक्टर ये फूलों की माला किसलिए ?<br />डॉक्टर - ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए<br />संता पेट्रोल भरवाने गया<br />वहां लिखा था, यहाँ मोबाइल का यूज ना करें<br />संता ने तुरंत मोबाइल निकाला और सब दोस्तों को फोन लगाया<br />और कहा मुझे अभी फोन मत करना में पेट्रोल पंप पर हूँ<br /><br />संता: डार्लिंग आज बरसात हो रही है मौसम बहुत अच्छा है,<br />कोई ऐसी रोमांटिक बात कहो की मेरे पैर जमीन पर न रहे,<br />पत्नी: डार्लिंग फांसी लगा लो<br />संता: एक किलो गाय का ढूध देना<br />बंता: लेकिन तुम्हारा बर्तन तो बहुत छोटा है<br />संता: ठीक है तो बकरी का दे दे<br />संता पत्नी से - शांति को बुलाओ<br />पत्नी- कौन अपनी कामवाली?<br />संता- हाँ<br />पत्नी- क्यूँ?<br />संता- डॉक्टर ने बोला है की गोली खाओ और शांति के साथ सो जाओ<br />लालू एक दूकान पर जाता है और दूकानदार से: ये बंदरवा का फोटो कितने का है रे ?<br />दूकानदार: ये फुटवा नहीं साहेब, वो तो शीशा है<br />हवाई जहाज रॉकेट से : तुम इतना तेज रफ़्तार से कैसे उड़ जाते हो<br />रॉकेट: ये तो वही जानता है जिसके पिछवाडे में आग लगी हो<br />एक पति उन लोगों से बहुत चिढ़ता था जो उसके हिसाब से बहुत बोलते थे। हाल ही में उसने गर्व से अपनी पत्नी से कहा कि उसने सुना है कि पुरूष एक दिन में 2200 शब्द इस्तेमाल करते हैं, जबकि औरतें 4400....<br />पत्नी बोली, "ऐसा इसलिए है क्योंकि औरतों को अपनी हर बात दोहरानी पड़ती है, जो वे अपने पति से कहती हैं."<br />पति: "क्या कहा फिर से कहना!"<br />एक दिन राजू के पापा एक रोबोट ले कर आये.<br />वह रोबोट झूठ पकड़ सकता था और झूठ बोलने वाले को गाल पर खीँच कर चांटा मार देता था.<br />आज राजू स्कूल से घर देर से आया था, पापा ने पूछा "घर लौटने में देर क्यो हो गयी?"<br />"आज हमारी एक्स्ट्रा क्लासेस थी" राजू ने जवाब दिया...<br />रोबोट अचानक अपनी जगह से उछला और जमकर राजू के गाल पर चांटा मार दिया.<br />पापा हंसकर बोले, "ये रोबोट हर झूठ को पकड़ सकता है और झूठ बोलने वाले को चांटा भी मारता है. अब सच क्या है यह बताओ, कहाँ गए थे?"<br />"में फिल्म देखने गया था" राजू बोला<br />"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने कड़ककर पूछा.<br />"हनुमान"<br />चटाक!!! अभी राजू की बात पूरी भी नहीं हुई थी की उसके गाल पर रोबोट ने एक जोर का चांटा मारा,<br />"कौन सी फिल्म?" पापा ने फिर पूछा<br />"कातिल जवानी."<br />पापा ग़ुस्से में बोले "शर्म आनी चाहिए तुम्हे. जब में तुम्हारे जितना था तब ऐसी हरकत नहीं किया करता था."<br />चटाक!!! रोबोट ने एक चांटा मारा, इस बार पापा के गाल पर.<br />यह सुनते ही मम्मी किचन में से आते हुए बोली "आख़िर तुम्हारा बेटा है ना, झूठ तो बोलेगा ही"<br />अब मम्मी की बारी थी, चटाक!!!<br />संताः यार बंता, पिछले एक हफ्ते से एक लड़की मुझे परेशान कर रही है<br />मुझे पता नहीं कि उसे मेरा नंबर कैसे मिल गया, मगर जैसे ही मैं किसी को फोन करना चाहता हूं, वह बीच में ही कहती है- प्लीज रीचार्ज योर कार्ड !!!<br /><br />पत्नी ( पति से ): आप जो मुझे नाम लेकर बुलाते हैं , इस कारण बच्चे भी मुझे नाम लेकर बुलाने लगे हैं।<br />पति : अच्छा ! कल से मैं तम्हें ममी कहकर बुलाऊंगा।<br />संता : चाकू क्यों उबाल रहे हो ?<br />बंता : खुदकुशी करने के लिए।<br />संता : मगर इसे उबाल ने की क्या जरूरत ?<br />बंता : मुझे कहीं इन्फेक्शन हो गया तो ?<br />भिखारीः जनाब मैं कोई मामूली भिखारी नहीं हूं। मैंने ‘ रुपये कमाने के 100 तरीके ‘ नामक किताब लिखी है।<br />राहगीरः तो फिर तुम भीख क्यों मांगते हो ?<br />भिखारीः क्योंकि यह उस किताब में बताया गया सबसे आसान तरीका है।<br />बेटाः मां आपने तो कहा था परियों के पंख होते हैं और वे उड़ती हैं ?<br />मां : हां बेटा, ऐसा<br />होता है।<br />बेटाः कल पापा अपनी नौकरानी से कह रहे थे कि तुम परी हो, वह कब उड़ेगी।<br />मां : बेटा वह कल सुबह ही उड़ जाएगी<br />संता ने बंता से कहा - देख मेरे नई टेलिस्कोप से<br />बंता देख ही रहा था की अचानक एक तारा टूटा देखते ही बंता जोर से चिल्लाया<br />वाह मेरे दोस्त क्या निशाना था<br />संता एक बार जंगल में घूम रहा था<br />अचानक उसे पैड पर एक साँप लटका दिखा<br />संता बोला - ओए ऐसे लटकने से हाइट नहीं बढ़ेगी<br />मम्मी से बोल बॉनवीटा पिलाएँ<br />संता - आज संडे है और मैंने इंजॉय के लिए 3 मूवी टीकिट खरीदे है <br />बीवी - 3 क्यों ?<br />संता - तुम्हारे लिए और तुम्हारे मम्मी पापा के लिए<br />संता - डॉक्टर चश्मा लगने के बाद में पढ़ तो सकूँगा ना ?<br />डॉक्टर - हान बिल्कुल<br />संता - फिर ठीक है डॉक्टर नहीं तो अनपढ़ आदमी की जिंदगी भी कोई जिंदगी है <br />संता ने बंता से कहा - देख मेरे नई टेलिस्कोप से<br />बंता देख ही रहा था की अचानक एक तारा टूटा देखते ही बंता जोर से चिल्लाया<br />वाह मेरे दोस्त क्या निशाना था<br />संता एक बार जंगल में घूम रहा था<br />अचानक उसे पैड पर एक साँप लटका दिखा<br />संता बोला - ओए ऐसे लटकने से हाइट नहीं बढ़ेगी<br />मम्मी से बोल बॉनवीटा पिलाएँ<br />संता - आज संडे है और मैंने इंजॉय के लिए 3 मूवी टीकिट खरीदे है <br />बीवी - 3 क्यों ?<br />संता - तुम्हारे लिए और तुम्हारे मम्मी पापा के लिए<br />संता - डॉक्टर चश्मा लगने के बाद में पढ़ तो सकूँगा ना ?<br />डॉक्टर - हान बिल्कुल<br />संता - फिर ठीक है डॉक्टर नहीं तो अनपढ़ आदमी की जिंदगी भी कोई जिंदगी है <br /><br />संता - डॉक्टर साहब आपने नर्स तो बहुत अच्छी रखी है हाथ लगते ही में ठीक हो गया<br />डॉक्टर - हाँ चांटे की आवाज़ मुझे भी आई थी<br />संता - यार में अपना पर्स घर पर भूल आया हूँ मुझे 1000 रूपये चाहिए<br />बंता - आख़िर दोस्त ही दोस्त के काम आता है ये ले 10 रुपये रिक्शा कर के जा और पैसे ले के आ<br />संता पे कौए ने बीट कर दी<br />प्रीतो - ये लो रूमाल<br />संता - अब क्या फायदा कौआ तो उड गया<br />संता - यार में बहुत परेशान हूँ <br />मेरी बीवी मुझसे 1 पप्पी का 1 रुपया लेती है<br />बंता - तू तो लकी है रे दूसरों से 5 रुपये लेती है<br /><br /><br />संता और बंता एक होटल में खाना खा रहे थे।<br />संता : बंता , तुम मेरी मां बन जाओ और प्लेट में खाना परोसकर खिलाते जाओ। खाना खाने के बाद।<br />बंता : संता , तुम अब मेरे पिता बन जाओ और खाने का सारा बिल दे दो।<br />पति पत्नी से : भाग्यवान , तुमसे शादी करके मुझे एक बड़ा फायदा हो गया।<br />पत्नी : ऐसा क्या फायदा हो गया जी ?<br />पति : मेरे गुनाहों की सज़ा मुझे जीते जी मिल गई।<br />संता ( बंता से ): लगता है यह किताब तुम्हें काफी पंसद है। तभी बार - बार इसे लाइब्रेरी से लेकर जाते हो।<br />बंता ( संता से ): नहीं यार , जब इसे पहली बार लेकर गया था , तो इसमें पांच सौ का नोट मिला था। सोचता हूं फिर मिल जाए।<br />एक दिन संता सुबह - सुबह अपने कुत्ते के साथ सैर के लिए निकला।<br />बंता - ओए , ये सुबह - सुबह गधे के साथ कहां जा रहे हो ?<br />संता ( बंता से )- ओए , ये गधा नही कुत्ता है।<br />बंता ( संता से )- ओए , मैं कुत्ते से ही पूछ रहा हूं।<br /><br />डॉक्टर बंता - मरीज संता के पीछे भाग रहा था। एक आदमी ने पूछा क्या हुआ?<br />डॉक्टर बंता - अरे, यार, चार बार ऐसा हो चुका है, दिमाग का ऑपरेशन करवाने आता है और बाल कटवाने के बाद भाग जाता है।<br />शिक्षक (संता से) - तुम्हारा जन्म कहां हुआ था?<br />संता - तिरुअंतपुरम मे।<br />शिक्षक - तो इसकी स्पेलिंग बताओ?<br />संता - बहुत सोचने के बाद, मेरे ख्याल से मै मेरा जन्म गोवा मे हुआ था।<br />बंता - अमेरिका में कोई हमारा पता पूछेगा, तो क्या बोलना होगा?<br />संता - धोबी घाट<br />बंता - और इंग्लिश मे बोलना हो तो!<br />संता - सिंपल है! वाशिंग-टन।<br /><br />संता ने पेट्रोल पंप खोला, लेकिन कोई उसके वहां नहीं जाता था<br />क्यों ????<br />क्यों की संता ने पेट्रोल पंप 2 री मजिल पे खोला था<br />संता - यार मेरी बीवी मुझे छोड़ के चली गई<br />बंता - तू उससे प्यार नहीं करता होगा<br />संता - अरे सगी बहन जैसा रखता था उसे<br />इंटर्व्यूवर - आपने पिछली जॉब क्यों छोड़ी ?<br />संता - क्यों की कंपनी शिफ्ट हो गई और मुझे बताया ही नहीं कहाँ हुई<br />संता और बंता - ड्राइव पर गए<br />संता बोला यार देख तो गाड़ी का इंडिकेटर चल रहा है की नहीं ?<br />बंता - खिड़की से बाहर निकाला और बोला हाँ - ना , हाँ - ना, हाँ - ना<br /><br /><br />एक बच्चा डॉक्टर के पास पहुँचा और बोला-<br />'डॉक्टर अंकल, क्या आपके पास दर्द की दवा है?'<br />डॉक्टर- 'दर्द कहाँ है?'<br />बच्चा- 'जी अभी तो नहीं है, लेकिन आधे घंटे बाद होगा,<br />जब डैडी रिपोर्ट कार्ड देखेंगे।'<br />एक लड़की, इन्सपेक्टर संता से - साहब मेरे पति 5 दिन पहले आलू लेने गए थे अभी तक वापस नहीं आए<br />संता - तो तुम कुछ और क्यों नहीं बना लेती<br />नर्स - संता जी बधाई हो आप पापा बन गए<br />संता - ओए होए , लेकिन आप मेरी बीवी को मत बताना में उसे सरप्राइज़ दूँगा<br />संता भारी गर्मी में सूरज के सामने खड़ा था<br />बंता - क्या कर रहा है बे ?<br />संता - पसीना सूखा रहा हूँ<br /><br />बेटाः मां आपने तो कहा था परियों के पंख होते हैं और वे उड़ती हैं ?<br />मां : हां बेटा, ऐसा होता है।<br />बेटाः कल पापा अपनी नौकरानी से कह रहे थे कि तुम परी हो, वह कब उड़ेगी। मां : बेटा वह कल सुबह ही उड़ जाएगी।<br />भिखारीः जनाब मैं कोई मामूली भिखारी नहीं हूं। मैंने ‘ रुपये कमाने के 100 तरीके ‘ नामक किताब लिखी है।<br />राहगीरः तो फिर तुम भीख क्यों मांगते हो ?<br />भिखारीः क्योंकि यह उस किताब में बताया गया सबसे आसान तरीका है।<br />एक साधु ने एक आदमी से कहा: ' भगवान के नाम पर दो-चार रुपए दे दो। '<br />आदमी ने पूछा: ' तुम हट्टे-कट्टे हो , कोई काम क्यों नहीं करते ?'<br />साधु बोला: ' अगर काम करना होता तो साधु ही क्यों बनता ?'<br />दरिया किनारे एक मछली खड़ी !<br />संता से मछली की आंख लड़ी !<br />संता ने बंता से यह बात कही !<br />ओए जल्दी कर जफ्फी पा ले ,<br />लड़की नहीं तो क्या , मछली ही सही!<br /><br />संता ने बंता से कहा - देख मेरे नई टेलिस्कोप से<br />बंता देख ही रहा था की अचानक एक तारा टूटा देखते ही बंता जोर से चिल्लाया<br />वाह मेरे दोस्त क्या निशाना था<br />संता - डॉक्टर चश्मा लगने के बाद में पढ़ तो सकूँगा ना ?<br />डॉक्टर - हान बिल्कुल<br />संता - फिर ठीक है डॉक्टर नहीं तो अनपढ़ आदमी की जिंदगी भी कोई जिंदगी है<br />संता - केला कितने का है ?<br />केले वाला - 1 रूपये का 1,<br />संता - 60 पैसे में दोगे ?<br />केले वाला - 60 पैसे में तो केले का छिलका मिलेगा ,<br />संता - तो ये ले 40 पैसे केला मुझे दे और छिलका तू रख<br />संता - डॉक्टर ये फूलों की माला किसलिए ?<br />डॉक्टर - ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए<br /><br />संता - रात को एक चुडैल कभी मेरे आगे , कभी पीछे घूम रही थी<br />बंता - कौन सी फ़िल्म थी ?<br />संता - मेरी शादी की<br />संता - अगर तुम्हें कुछ हो गया तो में पागल हो जाऊंगा<br />बीवी - दूसरी शादी तो नहीं करोगे ?<br />संता - पागल का क्या भरोसा, कुछ भी कर सकता है<br />संता - यार तेरी गाड़ी का नाम क्या है ?<br />बंता - नाम तो में भूल गया यार "टी" से चालू होता है<br />संता - अच्छा है यार तेरी गाड़ी तो चाय से स्टार्ट होती है मेरी तो पेट्रोल से होती है<br />संता ने बंता से पूछा - यार तू आपने बच्चों को शादी के बारे में क्या सुझाव देगा ?<br />बंता - यार में तो यही बोलूंगा की बच्चों मैंने तो शादी नहीं की और तुम भी मत करना<br /><br />संता ( बंता से )- तुम्हारा साले का साला , उसका साला फिर उसका साला रिश्ते में तुम्हारा क्या लगेगा ?<br />बंता ( संता से )- गरम मसाला।<br />संता की बेकरी की दुकान थी। एक दिन ...<br />ग्राहकः बंता जी , आपके पास पाव हैं।<br />संता , भड़कते हुएः अगर ‘ पांव ’ नहीं होते , तो मैं किस पर खड़ा हूं ?<br />संता दरवाजे पर बंदूक लिए खड़े थे ...<br />पत्नीः तुम यहां पर क्यों खड़े हो ?<br />संताः मैं शेर के शिकार पर जा रहा हूं।<br />पत्नीः तो फिर जाओ ना।<br />संता : कैसे जाऊं , बाहर कुत्ता खड़ा है ?<br />खरीददारः बकरा कितने का है ?<br />दुकानदारः 200 रुपये का।<br />खरीददारः इतना सस्ता ?<br />दुकानदारः चाइनीज़ है , कोई गारंटी नहीं है। हो सकता है कल से भौंकने लगे !!!<br /><br />संता ने नासा में नौकरी करी<br />एक महीने बाद ही नासा वालों ने नाम बदल कर सत्यानासा कर दिया<br />म्यूजियम का मालिक संता से - तुमने 500 सालपुरानी मूर्ति तोड़ डी<br />संता - क्या !! अरे अच्छा हुआ मुझे लगा था नई थी<br />संता तलाक के ले कोर्ट में गया<br />जज ने कहा तुम्हारे 3 बच्चे है कैसे रखोगे ?<br />संता - कोई बात नहीं हम अगले साल आ जाएँगे<br />संता - जब में पैदा हुआ तो आर्मी वालों ने 21 तोपें चलाई थी<br />बंता - क्या बात कर रहा है सब का निशाना चूक गया <br /><br /><br />• क्लास रूम में प्रवेश करने पर<br />टीचर संता कुमार ने देखा, दो छात्र आपस में बहस कर रहे थे। टीचर संता कुमार ने छात्रों से पूछा- क्लास में किस बात पर बहस कर रहे हो?<br />छात्र बंता चीटू बोला- सर, हमें सौ रुपए पड़े मिले हैं। हमने तय किया है कि जो सबसे बड़ा झूठ बोलेगा, सौ रुपए उसको ही दिए जाएंगे।<br />टीचर संता कुमार ने अफ़सोस जताते हुए कहा- तुम लोगों को शर्म आना चाहिए।<br />जब हम तुम्हारी उम्र के थे, तो जानते भी नहीं थे कि झूठ क्या होता है?<br />छात्रों ने बिना कुछ बोले, चुपचाप सौ रुपए टीचर संता कुमार को दे दिए।<br />• सेठानी (नौकरानी से), "क्यों महारानी जी आज आने मे इतनी देर क्यों लगा दी?"<br />नौकरानी, "सेठानी जी मै सीढियों से गिर गई थी।"<br />सेठानी, "तो क्या उठने मे इतनी देर लगती है।"<br />• बेटा अपने पिता से पूछ रहा था कि आप ने यह बेशुमार दौलत कैसे कमाई ।<br />पिता: शादी के बाद शुरुशुरु के दिनो की बात थी । मेरे पास सिर्फ 50 रु थे । मैने उन रुपयो से कुछ सेब खरीदे और बेच दिए। अगले दिन मैने दोबारा वही किया और ऐसा कई दिनो तक चलता रहा।<br />बेटा: अच्छा फिर ?<br />पिता: फिर ससुर की मृत्यू हो गई और बस, उन की सारी जायदाद हमे मिल गई।<br />• मैनेजर साहब ! अब तो मेरी पगार बढा दिजिए, क्योकि मेरी शादी हो गई है।" कर्मचारी ने निवेदन किया।<br />"नही, आफिस के बाहर होने वाली किसी भी दुर्घटना के लिए हम ज़िम्मेदार नही है, मैनेजर ने मुसकुराकर जवाब दिया।Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-46993777953512099902009-04-14T03:59:00.000-07:002009-04-14T04:16:07.265-07:00Animal Jokes<p><span style="font-size:130%;">The speedy snail joke</span></p><p><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br />There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.<br />After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".<br />The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"<br />The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."<br />Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.<br />The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Beyond all track records joke</span><br />Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"<br />Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"<br />"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.<br />At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"<br />The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">The infamous goony bird joke</span></p><p>After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.<br />This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.<br />The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"<br />Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"<br />Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.<br />"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.<br />When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"<br />The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">A trip to the cinema joke</span></p><p>A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.<br />This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out.<br />In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!"<br />"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">At the gorilla enclosure joke</span></p><p><br />It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a couple are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a loose-fitting, spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing jeans and a T-shirt.<br />As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes mad. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand, he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.<br />The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny, and suggests that his wife teases the poor creature some more. He gets her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at the ape, and play along. She does, and the Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.<br />Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and the Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.<br />"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him," he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and he starts doing flips. With that, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.<br />"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Emergency in the vet's office joke</span></p><p>A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.<br />The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.<br />The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.<br />The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.<br />The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.<br />The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."<br />The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.<br />The vet answers, "$650."<br />"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.<br />"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Life as a mole joke</span></p><p><br />A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!"<br />The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!"<br />The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...."</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Is that your dog?</span> </p><p><br />A timid little man, walked into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"<br />A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"<br />"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."<br />"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"<br />"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."<br />"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"<br />"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">The rabbit and the snake joke</span></p><p><br />A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.<br />The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.<br />He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."<br />The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.<br />He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."<br />The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Department of fish and wildlife warning</span></p><p><br />The Louisiana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in St. Tammany, Jefferson & Orleans Parish.<br />They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as "little bells" on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly.<br />They also advise the carrying of "pepper spray" in case of an encounter with an alligator. It's also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity and be able to recognize the difference between young alligator and adult alligator droppings.<br />Young alligator droppings are small, contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers.<br />Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper.</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">I've got a bear behind joke</span></p><p><br />Bill's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.<br />The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex."<br />He bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge.<br />Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him.<br />The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I maul you to death or we have sex."<br />Bill bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he's outraged!<br />Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.<br />The polar bear says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"</p><p> </p><p><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Surely not more bizarre real life animal laws joke</span></p><p><br />In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.<br />In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving.<br />In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.<br />In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.<br />In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can reside on the same block.<br />A law in Detroit, Michigan, prohibits crocodiles from being tied to a fire hydrant.<br />Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.<br />In Baltimore, Maryland, it is necessary to document any services performed by a jackass.<br />In Ohio, it is against the law to set a fire under your mule if it balks.<br />In Arkansas, if your 2-year-old mule runs wild and is unclaimed within 2 days, anyone may castrate the animal.<br />In Marshalltown, Iowa, a horse will be breaking the law if it eats a fire hydrant.<br />People can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.<br />Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.<br />In Tulsa, Oklahoma, dogs are prohibited from going on private property unless the owner gives his consent first.<br />In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.<br />Dogs are strictly forbidden from riding in ambulances in Westport, Massachusetts.<br />Wallace, Idaho, decreed it is unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel.<br />In Clawson, Michigan, a law specifically makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. But the animals may not be in the house after sunup or during the day.<br />Florida has a law prohibiting the transporting of livestock on school buses.<br />If you live in Franklin, Kentucky, you can't legally trade horses after dark.<br />In Alabama, no mules can be traded after supper when the sun has already gone below the horizon. And in Idaho, you can't buy or sell chickens after sundown without the sheriff's permission.<br />It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee and the state of Washington.<br />In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.<br />You cannot shoot fish with a bow and arrow in Louisville, Kentucky. And you cannot shoot fish with a gun in the state of Washington or in Hazelhurst, Mississippi.<br />It's against the law to get a fish drunk in Oklahoma.<br />In Kansas, you cannot fish with your bare hands, while in the state of Washington, you can't catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Even more bizarre real life animal laws joke</span></p><p><br />Cats in International Falls, Minnesota, are not allowed to chase dogs up telephone poles.<br />If your dog gets your neighbor's dog pregnant in Danbury, Connecticut, you are responsible and must pay for the abortion if the neighbor chooses to have it done.<br />No dog may be tied to a shade tree in Birmingham, Alabama.<br />An ordinance in Belvedere, California, states "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."<br />Another misworded ordinance is this one from Arvada, Colorado: "If a stray pet is not claimed within 24 hours, the owner will be destroyed."<br />Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.<br />In Sterling, Colorado, it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.<br />In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.<br />Cats living in Cresskill, New Jersey, must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.<br />A Fountain Inn, South Carolina, law once required horses to wear pants at all times. But carriage horses in Charleston, South Carolina, were required to wear diapers.<br />In Calgary, Canada, a by-law requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.<br />In Winona, MS, it is illegal to drive a car on Main Street because it frightens horses.<br />In Wilbur, Washington, it is against the law for a person to "ride an ugly horse" - the fine is $300!<br />If you live in California, you cannot keep your chickens, turkeys, goats, cows, and other farm animals in an apartment.<br />In Cumberland, Maryland, you cannot keep your chickens with you in your hotel room.<br />In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks.<br />In Atlanta, it's against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.<br />Riding a camel on a highway in Nevada is against the law. Over in Galveston, Texas, it is against the law for camels to wander the streets unattended.<br />In Arizona, it is illegal to shoot or hunt camels.<br />It's illegal to take a deer swimming in water above its knees in North Carolina.</p><p> </p><p><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">The intelligence factor joke</span></p><p><br />A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.<br />Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.<br />About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'<br />The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.<br />She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.<br />She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."</p><p> </p><p><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">The fire dog joke</span></p><p><br />A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.<br />The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.<br />"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.<br />"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."<br />A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Cruising with the penguins joke</span></p><p><br />A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."<br />The guy says OK, and drives away.<br />The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"<br />The guy replies: "I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"<br /></p><p><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Upsetting the stewardess joke</span></p><p><br />On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"<br />The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.<br />When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"<br />Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee.<br />Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!"<br />The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.<br />Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">The Lonely Frog</span></p><p><br />A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.<br />His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."<br />The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"<br />"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class." </p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Bizarre real life animal laws joke</span></p><p><br />In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.<br />It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.<br />Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.<br />In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.<br />In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.<br />In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.<br />In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.<br />In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.<br />In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.<br />In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.<br />French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.<br />Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces - the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation.<br />Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures.<br />In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.<br />It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.<br />Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump.<br />Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California.<br />In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell.<br />In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.<br />You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.<br />In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying."</p><p> </p><p><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">The talking parrots joke</span></p><p><br />A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."<br />"What do they say?" the priest inquired.<br />"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"<br />"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."<br />"Thank you!" the woman responded.<br />The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"<br />One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size:130%;">Those naughty, naughty pets joke</span></p><p><br />A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".<br />The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".<br />As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"<br />The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."<br />The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."<br />The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-80180621494157431952009-04-14T03:57:00.000-07:002009-04-14T03:58:57.842-07:00The Cristmas Parrot JokeA few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.<br />The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.<br />The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.<br />The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."<br />The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing:<br />"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-32323118515848452082009-04-14T03:56:00.000-07:002009-04-14T03:57:45.293-07:00Down a deep hole jokeTwo guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"<br />Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!<br />The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".<br />So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.<br />"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked.<br />The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"<br />The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.<br />The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat is really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I have him tied to a big, old cinder block."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-69353704643812740252009-04-14T03:40:00.000-07:002009-04-14T03:55:20.213-07:00Question and Answer JokesTeacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?<br />Paddy: Seven!<br />Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?<br />Paddy: Seven!<br />Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?<br />Paddy: Six.<br />Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?<br />Paddy: Seven!<br />Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?<br />Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!<br /><br /><br /><br />TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?<br />JOHN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"<br />TEACHER: No, that's wrong<br />JOHN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!<br /><br />TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?<br />SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!<br />TEACHER: What are you talking about?<br />SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!<br /><br />TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.<br />GEORGE : Here it is!<br />TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?<br />CLASS : George!<br /><br />TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.<br />WILLY : Me!<br />TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?<br />TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.<br /><br />TEACHER: Why are you late?<br />WEBSTER: Because of the sign.<br />TEACHER: What sign?<br />WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."<br /><br />SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?<br />FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?<br />SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.<br /><br />TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.<br />SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.<br /><br />TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?<br />JOSE : Don't bite any.<br /><br />TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".<br />ELLEN : I is...<br />TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."<br />ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."<br /><br />MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?<br />JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.<br /><br />TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?<br />CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!<br /><br /><br />The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"<br />"None," answered little Norman.<br />"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."<br />"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"<br /><br /><br /><br />Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.<br />"Why?" asks the father.<br />"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"<br />"But that's right!"<br />"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"<br />"What's the fucking difference?"<br />"That's exactly what I said!"<br /><br /><br /><br />A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.<br />Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"<br />The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."<br /><br /><br /><br /># Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ?<br />Pupil: Hot water !<br /># Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?<br />Pupil: All of them !<br /># Why was the head teacher worried ?<br />Because there were so many rulers in the school !<br /># Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?<br />Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !<br /># Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?<br />Pupil: Stale !<br /># Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?<br />Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !<br /># Teacher: What is "can't" short for ?<br />Pupil: Can not miss.<br /># Teacher: and what is "don't" short for<br />Pupil: Doughnut !<br /># Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?<br />Pupil: Lassie !<br /># Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?<br />Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !<br /># Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?<br />Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir !<br /># Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?<br />Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?<br /><br /><br /><br />One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.<br />MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."<br /><br />SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."<br /><br />MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."<br /><br />SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."<br /><br />MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."<br /><br />SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"<br /><br />MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.<br />Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.<br />First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."<br />Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)<br />Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come u have one?"<br />Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,<br />WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?<br />Masterji fainted.........................<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The 4-year holiday called engineering<br /><br />20 things common to all engg colleges:<br /><br />1). The lecturers dont teach.The students dont study.The only guy who benefits is the one who owns the 'dhaba' next to the college.<br /><br />2).Rules are made to be broken.<br /><br />3).Promises are made to be broken.<br /><br />4).Deadlines are made to be extended...ALWAYS!<br /><br />5).Guys always think the chics in the college next lane are more beautiful.<br /><br />5).The geeks are the most pampered lot during the internal exams.<br /><br />6).The lab assistants are the most respected people(during the lab exams i.e)<br /><br />7).The watchmen are the people most bribed.<br /><br />.The HOD is the person most respected(heights of sycophancy here).<br /><br />9).The principal is the person most abused and insulted(behind the back i.e)<br /><br />10).Dropping subjects is 'cool'.(arre yaar..drop the idea of dropping subjects plzz).<br /><br />11).There is always a lecturer in the college who cant speak proper 'english'.<br /><br />12).Night-out is the second most important tool to ace the exams.<br /><br />13).The most important tool..the bhramastra..is the 'chit' in which the words can be understood only by the person who wrote them(in most of the cases i.e)<br /><br />14).The freshers are the most sought after..be it in the canteen,the 'free' periods or for completing the records,assignments.<br /><br />15).The second-years are the ones with the 'I am the don-of-the-college' feeling.<br /><br />16).The third years are the ones with the 'so-many-backlogs' feeling and the poor souls get down to studying after bossing around in the college for so long.but the fun still continues.(I gave 22 exams last year!!).<br /><br />17).The fourth years have no connection with the college whatsoever...with no interest in ragging,pulling each other`s legs,the bday parties,the bday bums et al which they enjoyed so much till now.All they want is a good placement and a '1st-class' tag attached to their memo.<br /><br />19).The first three years are spent in cursing the college,the people there,the system et al.<br /><br />20).But towards the end of the fourth year,people tend to feel nostalgic abt the pure unadulterated fun they have had for 4 years.Now the very system they disliked,the very canteen they cursed,the time that they spent there,the bday bums they suffered..all these seem like heaven to them.<br /><br /><br />*********<br /><br /><br />The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"<br />"None," answered little Norman.<br />"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."<br />"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />TEACHER: Why are you late?<br />L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.<br />TEACHER: What sign?<br />L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."<br />TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?<br />L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!<br /><br />TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?<br />L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"<br />TEACHER: No, that's wrong<br />L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!<br /><br />TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?<br />L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!<br />TEACHER: What are you talking about?<br />L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!<br /><br />TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.<br />GEORGE: Here it is!<br />TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?<br />L-JOHNY: George!<br /><br />TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have<br />ten years ago.<br />L-JOHNY: Me!<br /><br />TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?<br />L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.<br /><br />L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?<br />FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?<br />L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.<br /><br />TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?<br />L-JOHNY! : Don't bite any.<br /><br />TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".<br />L-JOHNY: I is...<br />TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."<br />L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."<br /><br />Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"<br />L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same<br />time."<br /><br />Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry<br />tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father<br />didn't punish him?"<br />L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."<br /><br />L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?<br />Father : No. Why do you ask that?<br />L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?<br /><br />Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green<br />and one is blue with red spots!<br />L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at<br />home.<br /><br />Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped<br />him, what virtue would I be showing?<br />L-Johnny: Brotherly love.<br /><br />Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?<br />L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.<br /><br />Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your<br />brother's. Did u copy his?<br />L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!<br /><br />Teacher: What do you call a person who ! keeps on talking when people<br />are no longer interested?<br />L-Johnny : A teacher<br /><br /><br /><br />Teacher: Why are you late?<br />Manu: Because of the sign.<br />Teacher: What sign?<br />Manu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."<br />Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?<br />Manu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"<br />Teacher: No, that's wrong<br />Manu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!<br />Teacher: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.<br />Manu: Me!<br />Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"<br />Manu: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."<br />Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?<br />Manu: Brotherly love.<br />Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?<br />Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.<br />Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?<br />Manu: A teacherUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-70623911970641455402009-04-14T03:24:00.001-07:002009-04-14T03:24:34.174-07:00Revenge Is SweetThere once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.<br />Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.<br />"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.<br />After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.<br />While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.<br />Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.<br />"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-91663344545121840322009-04-14T03:23:00.001-07:002009-04-14T03:23:49.885-07:00Farts With LumpsThe teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.<br />Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"<br />The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"<br />To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-56580246471822725502009-04-14T03:20:00.000-07:002009-04-14T03:22:32.651-07:00Farting All The TimeDoctor, "What seems to be the problem?"<br />Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"<br />The Doctor nods, "Hmm."<br />Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"<br />"Hmm," says the Doctor,<br />He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.<br />The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"<br />"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-37214322378904570682009-04-14T03:16:00.000-07:002009-04-14T03:18:53.004-07:00Bathtime funA man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.<br />His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.<br /><br />"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.<br />"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.<br />He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.<br />"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.<br />When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.<br />A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer<br />"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.<br />"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-14060787117788599552009-04-13T05:52:00.000-07:002009-04-13T05:59:20.733-07:00Jokes In Hindi (चुटकुले)<span style="font-size:130%;">चुटकुले</span><br /><br />नेता का बेटा: पापा मुझे भी राजनीती में आना हैं, मुझे कुछ टिप्स दो<br />नेता: बेटा, राजनिती के तीन कठोर नियम होते हैं।<br />चलो पहला नियम समझाता हूँ //यह कहकर नेताजी ने बेटे को छत पर भेज दिया और ख़ुद नीचे आकर खड़े हो गए//<br />नेताजी: छत से नीचे कूद जाओ,<br />बेटा: पापा, इतनी ऊंचाई से कुदूंगा तो हाथ पैर टूट जायेंगे।<br />नेताजी: बेझिजक कूद जा, में हूँ न, पकड़ लूँगा।<br />लड़के ने हिम्मत की और कूद गया पर नेताजी नीचे से हट गए, बेटा धडाम से ओंधे मुह गिरा<br />बेटा: कराहते हुए बोलता हैं आपने तो कहा था मुझे पकडेंगे फिर हट क्यों गए।<br />नेताजी: ये हैं पहला सबक "राजनिती में अपने बाप का भी भरोसा मत करो"<br />डेडी & बेटा<br />डेडी: बेटा, आजकल में देख रहा हूँ कि जब भी में तुम्हारी पिटाई लगाता हूँ तो तुम कोई प्रतिक्रिया ही नहीं करते, कैसे अपना गुस्सा कंट्रोल करते हो तुम?<br />बेटा: में तुरंत जाकर टॉयलेट साफ करने लगता हूँ।<br />डेडी: इससे गुस्सा शांत करने में कैसे मदत मिलती हैं।<br />बेटा: वो ऐसे कि में, टॉयलेट की सफ़ाई के लिए आपका टूथ ब्रश इस्तेमाल करता हूँ।<br /><br /><br />डेडी & बेटा<br />डेडी: बेटा, आजकल में देख रहा हूँ कि जब भी में तुम्हारी पिटाई लगाता हूँ तो तुम कोई प्रतिक्रिया ही नहीं करते, कैसे अपना गुस्सा कंट्रोल करते हो तुम?<br />बेटा: में तुरंत जाकर टॉयलेट साफ करने लगता हूँ।<br />डेडी: इससे गुस्सा शांत करने में कैसे मदत मिलती हैं।<br />बेटा: वो ऐसे कि में, टॉयलेट की सफ़ाई के लिए आपका टूथ ब्रश इस्तेमाल करता हूँ।<br /><br /><br />चिंटू : तेरे को तैरना आता हैं<br />बंटू : नही!<br />चिंटू : तेरे बराबर के तो कुत्ते भी तैर लेते हैं।<br />बंटू : तेरे को तैरना आता हैं ?<br />चिंटू : हाँ, बिल्कुल।<br />बंटू : फिर तेरे और कुत्ते में क्या फरक है?<br /><br /><br />एक आदमी जिसके सर पर सिर्फ़ दो बल थे, कटिंग करवाने गया, नाई ने उससे पूछा हाँ' बताइए गिनुं कि काटूँ, आदमी ये सुनकर उदास सा होकर बोला "कलर कर दो यार"।<br /><br /><br />३ लोगों को गिरफ्तार किया गया जिनमें एक इंडियन, एक अमेरिकी और एक बंगलादेशी था। तीनों को ६ साल की सजा के लिए जेल भेजने से पहले इंडियन ने बहोत सारी किताबों की मांग की। उस अमरीकी ने लड़कियों की, जबकि बंगलादेशी ने बहोत सारी सिगरेट मांग ली। ६ साल की सजा पूरी होने पर जेल से इंडियन बाहर आया बढे हुए दाढ़ी और बाल के साथ, अमरीकी बाहर आया बच्चों के साथ, जबकि बंगलादेशी बाहर आया गुस्से में चहरा तमतमाए हुए - वो चीखते हुए बोला " कमीने कहिंके ' ६ सालों तक सिगरेट तो देते रहे ! पर लाइटर नहीं दिया सालों ने।<br /><br />एक छोटी लडकी और एक छोटा लड़का गार्डन में पेड़ को पानी दे रही टीचर को देखकर उनके पास आ गए ,<br />बॉय : मेडम अगर २५ साल का लड़का और २५ की लड़की को उनका अपना बेबी हो सकता हैं ?<br />टीचर: हाँ !<br />बॉय : क्या २० साल का लड़का और इतनी ही उम्र की लड़की को भी बेबी होगा ?<br />टीचर : हाँ !!<br />ठीक हैं : अगर वे दोनों १५ साल के हुए तो ?<br />टीचर : हाँ, पोसिबल हैं !!<br />बॉय : ठीक है, अगर लड़का और लड़की दोनों ५ साल के हो तो क्या उनका भी बेबी हो सकता हैं<br />टीचर : नहीं ??!!!<br />छोटे लड़के ने छोटी लड़की की तरफ देखा और कहा :- देखा, मेने कहा था ना, डरने वाली कोई बात नहीं है!!<br /><br />बोस :- तुम एक दम, मेरी तीसरी बीवी की तरह लगती हो।<br />लेडी :- कितनी बार शादी हुई हैं सर आपकी।<br />बोस :- दो बार।<br /><br />टीचर:- स्टूडेन्ट से पूछती हैं कि तुम स्कूल में लेट क्यों पहुंचे।<br />स्टूडेन्ट:- "सड़क पर एक आदमी का नोट गुम हो गया था "<br />टीचर:- तो तुम क्या, नोट ढून्डने में उसकी मदत कर रहे थे।<br />तब स्टूडेन्ट बोला :- में उस आदमी के चले जाने का वेट कर रहा था, क्योंकि नोट मेरे पैर के नीचे था।<br />एक कपडे की दुकान में रात को चोर घुस आया, किसी तरह पुलिस को पता चल गया और उसे पकड़ लिया गया, जब उसके केस की सुनवाई हो रही थी। जज ने सजा सुनाने से पहले उससे पूछा कि "तुम्हे दुकान की चोरी करते वक्त अपने बीवी बच्चों का ख्याल नहीं आया ?<br />इसपर चोर ने तपाक से जवाब दिया " इसमें मेरी गलती नहीं हैं, वहां केवल जेंट्स के कपडे थे"।<br />हसबेंड रात में हर एक घंटे उठाते और किचिन में जाकर शकर का डिब्बा खोलकर देखते और रख देते । जब काफी देर से किचन में हो रही खटर-पटर की आवाज से परेशां पत्नी ने उससे इस चहल कदमी का कारन पूछा " तो पति ने बताया की कल में डॉक्टर के पास गया था न, उसने मुझसे कहा की हर एक घंटे में शुगर लेवल चेक होनी चाहिऐ, की कहीं कहीं कम-ज्यादा तो नहीं हो गई।<br /><br />स्कूल और गर्ल्स कोलेज का डिफरेंस क्या हैं ?<br />उत्तर:- स्कूल के बाहर "गाड़ी धीरे चलायें" का बोर्ड लगा होता हैं, जबकि गर्ल्स कोलेज के सामने नहीं लगता क्योंकि क्योंकि अच्छी-अच्छी गाडियाँ भी गर्ल्स कोलेज के सामने धीरे होकर निकलती हैं<br />स्कूल टीचर:- " तुम आज फिर क्यों लेट हो गए"<br />स्कूल बॉय:- मेडम "आज मैनें एक मरे हुए आदमी को भागते हुए देखा। "<br />क्या ? ऐसा कैसे हो सकता है?<br />आपको विश्वास नहीं हैं तो रेखा से पूछ लो वो भी लेट हो गई थी हम दोनों ही भागते हुए आ रहे थे तो रास्ते में एक मरा हुआ आदमी पड़ा था. "<br /><br />रेस्टोरेंट में लड़के ने लड़की से कहा " आई लव यू"<br />लड़की:- " मेने तुमसे प्यार नहीं किया"<br />लड़का:- " मेरे लिए एक बार फिर से सोचोना"<br />लडकी रूखे अंदाज़ में:- मैनें तुमसे कहा ना "नही-नहीं और नहीं"<br />वेटर ने उन्हें इसे तरह देखा तो उनके लिए अलग अलग बिल्स बनाकर ले आया<br />लड़की ने अपना अलग से बिल देखा तो लड़के की तरफ देखकर मुस्कुराते हुए बोली "आई लव यू टू........."<br /><br />एक हाथी ने एक मच्छर से शादी कर ली, दूसरे दिन सुबह तक मच्छर मर चुका था। बताइए क्यों, ?<br />क्युंकी, रात में डिस्टर्ब से बचने के लिए हाथी ने मछर छाप अगरबत्ती सुलगा दी थी.<br /><br />सुपर मेन और आम आदमी में एक खास अन्तर हैं, वो क्या हैं ?<br />सुपर में आम आदमी के ठीक उलट अन्दर्वेयर पेंट के ऊपर पहनता हैं।<br /><br />एक सर्वे फूड शौर्टेज पर युनाइटिड नेशन द्वारा एक सर्वे हुआ। प्रश्न था, 'क्या आप कृपया करके शेष विश्व मे फूड शौर्टेज को हल करने के संदर्भ मे अपना ईमानदार दृष्टिकोण देंगे।' सर्वे पूरी तरह से फेल हो गया। क्योंकि अफ्रीका मे लोग नही जानते थे कि 'फूड' क्या होता है। भारत मे 'ईमानदार' शब्द सुना नही गया था। युरोप मे नही पता था कि 'शौर्टेज' क्या होती है। चीन मे नही पता था कि 'दृष्टिकोण' किस चिडिया का नाम है। मिडिल ईस्ट मे नही पता था कि 'हल' क्या होता है। साउथ अफ्रीका मे 'कृपया' का अर्थ नही पता था। और अमेरिका मे नही पता था कि 'शेष विश्व' क्या होता है।<br /><br /><br />एक दिन एक मेकेनिकल इंजीनियर, इलेक्ट्रोनिक इंजीनियर, केमिकल इंजीनियर और एक कंप्यूटर इंजीनियर एक ही कार में शहर में घूम रहे थे, अचानक ही कार कुछ टूटने कि आवाज़ के साथ एक दम से बंद हो गई। मेकेनिकल इंजीनियर ने कहा "मुझे लगता हैं चेचिस राड टूट गई हैं "केमिकल इंजीनियर ने कुछ सोचकर कहा "मुझे लगता हैं, इंजन को पर्याप्त गैस नहीं मिल पा रही हैं। "इलेक्ट्रिक इंजीनियर बोला "कहीं स्पार्क हुआ होगा, कुछ गड़बड़ लगती हैं गाड़ी के इलेक्ट्रोनिक सिस्टम में। "तीनो मुडे पीछे बैठे कम्प्यूटर इंजीनियर की तरफ, और उससे पूछा "तुमको क्या लगता हैं" तो कंप्यूटर इंजीनियर ने कहा "मुझे लगता हैं कि हम सभी को गाड़ी से बाहर निकलके दोबारा अन्दर बैठ जाना चाहिऐ, ताकि गाड़ी रिस्टार्ट हो सके"<br /><br />मिसेज शर्मा ने अपने पति का खून कर दिया। अदालत में जज ने उसे फाँसी की सजा सुनाई, तो मिसेज शर्मा रुआंसी होकर बोली हुजुर! रहम कीजिए, मैं विधवा हूँ।<br /><br />एक भ्रष्ट इन्स्पेटर हवालदार को लेकर वसूली के लिए जा रहा था। अचानक ही एक चोर चाकू की नोक पर इंस्पेक्टर से वसूली का माल, अंगूठियाँ और सोने की चैन छीनकर भाग गया। उसके भागते ही हवालदार ने शेखी बघारते हुए कहा कि, "वो तो में रिवोल्वर लाना भूल गया वर्ना " हवालदार के इतना कहते ही इंस्पेक्टर साहब हस्ते हुए बोले "अरे में तो लेकर आया हूँ, वो तो अच्छा हुआ उसकी नज़र बंदूक पर नहीं पड़ी।<br /><br /><br />दो आदमी एक ढाबे पर रुके अपना स्कूटर खडा किया और आते एक शांत से ट्रक वाले को खिजाने के लिए उसकी थाली को खींच लिया और पूरा खाना खा गए, ट्रक वाले ने कुछ नहीं कहा। वह शांति से उठा और बिल के पैसे देकर बाहर चला गया। उसके जाने के बाद ये दोनों हँसने लगे, एक ने कहा "कितना बेवकूफ ट्रक वाला था" दूसरे ने कहा और दरपोंक भी था। वेटर पास ही खडा हुआ था, बाहर की तरफ देखते हुए कहने लगा " और तो और कितना अनाड़ी ड्राइवर भी,,, बाहर आप दोनों की स्कूटरों को अपने ट्रक से रोंदता हुआ चला गया।<br /><br /><br />टीचर स्टूडेन्ट से : - बेटा आज तुमने कौन सा अच्छा काम किया?<br />स्टूडेन्ट :- मेडम , मैंने अपने पांच दोस्तों के साथ मिलकर एक बुजुर्ग महिला को सड़क पार करवाई।<br />टीचर :- ये तो अच्छी बात हैं, लेकिन इस छोटे-से काम के लिए पांच लोग क्यों लगे?<br />स्टूडेन्ट :- क्योंकि वह महिला सड़क पार नहीं करना चाहती थी।<br /><br /><br />एक चोर चोरी करने के इरादे से एक घर में घुसा, तिजोरी तोड़ने से पहले उसने देखा की उस पर कुछ लिखा हुआ था: 'सूचना : तिजोरी तोड़ने की कोई ज़रूरत नहीं हे, इस खोलने के लिए ४२५ नंबर दबाएँ और सामने लगा लाल बटन दबा दें। चोर बडा खुश हुआ, उसने वैसा ही किया। इससे तिजोरी तो नहीं खुली उल्टे अलार्म बजने लगा, कुछ देर में पुलिस आ धमकी। जब पुलिस चोर को ले जा रही थी तो उसने बड़ी हताशा से कहा : आज इंसानियत से मेरा विश्वास उठ गया।<br /><br /><br /><br />पति देव ने पत्नी से कहा की " मेरा फोन आये तो कहना में घर पर नहीं हूँ।"<br />अचानक फोन की घंटी बजी, पत्नी ने फोन उठाकर कहा वो अभी घर पर हैं। पत्नी के फोन रखते ही पति खीजते हुए बोला " तुमसे मना किया था फिर भी क्यों बताया की मैं घर पर हूँ"<br />पातीं बोली : आपने अपने फोन के लिए मना किया था, वह फोन तो मेरे लिए आया था।<br /><br /><br /><br />दोस्त ने पूछा के तुम अपने घर के बाहर खड़े ट्रक को देखकर इतना घबरा क्यों राहे हो।<br />उसने जवाब दिया, एक बार ऐसे ही ट्रक के ड्राइवर ने मेरी बीबी को किड्नेप किया था, मुझे डर हैं कि वो उसे वापस छोड़ने तो नहीं आ गया।<br />हेडमास्टर ने चिंटू से कहा :- मुझे सभी टीचर्स से तुम्हारे बारे में बहोत कम्प्लेंट्स मिल रही हैं चिंटू, तुम कर क्या रहे हो क्लास में।<br />चिंटू :- कुछ भी तो नहीं सर।<br />हेडमास्टर :- "इक्सेट्ली"<br /><br /><br />रेल्वेस्टेशन पर एक सरदार एक राहगीर को बड़ी देर से देख रहा था, फिर एकदम से उठा और उससे पूछा के आप चीनी हैं, उस राहगीर ने कहा "नहीं मैं भारतीय हूँ " सरदार चला गया।<br />थोडी देर बाद लौटकर फिर आया और पूछा " भाईसाहब क्या आप चीनी हैं ?"<br />उसने फिर से बताया के नहीं "मैं भारतीय हूँ" मन ही मन सोच में पड़ गया के 'बडा अजीब आदमी हैं इससे पहले, भी तो पूछ कर गया था"।<br />सरदार चला गया और फिर पलट कर आया :- भाईसाहब आप चीनी हो?"<br />राहगीर ने आखिरकार परेशां होकर कह दिया "हाँ भाईसाहब में चीनी हूँ"<br />सरदार थोडी देर घूरने के बाद बोला " पर चीनी लगते तो नहीं हो यार"<br /><br /><br />ट्रेन में खिड़की वाली सीट पर बैठी दो औरतें आपस में लड़ रहीं थीं, एक कहती की मुझे गर्मी लग रही हैं खिड़की का कांच खुला रहने दो, तो दूसरी कहती के उसे सर्दी लग रही हैं खिड़की बंद रहेगी। एक कांच ऊपर करती तो दूसरी उसे बंद कर देती लड़ाई, लड़ाई जब आपस में बाल खींचने तक पहुच गई, तब पास बैठे एक आदमी ने मका बाई काहे को लड़ रही होपहले देख तो लो खिड़की में कांच तो हैं ही नहीं।Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-75825917435518034432009-04-11T21:51:00.000-07:002009-04-11T21:54:16.972-07:00Sardar Jokes : Latest Funny JokesOne day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.<br />"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.<br />" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one<br />runner.<br />"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"<br />Exclaimed the Sardar<br />————————————<br />Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi<br />per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili<br />baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?<br />to sardar bola "mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae"<br />————————————<br />Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes<br />closed.<br />His wife asked what you are doing?<br />He said-I’m seeing how I look while sleeping<br />————————————<br />ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING<br />ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL YOU GIVE ME A RING?<br />HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.<br />————————————-<br />Bhagwan and Banta!<br />Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.<br />He goes into the temple and begins to pray……….. "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.<br />Banta goes back to the temple…………….. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!! Back to the temple……….. "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".<br />Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Banta is confronted by the voice of Lord "BANTA, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".<br />—————————————-<br />Cricketers!<br />Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in heaven.<br />Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him.<br />He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.<br />"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"<br />Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven."<br />"And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow’s match!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-52787698249069229142009-04-11T21:49:00.000-07:002009-04-11T21:51:50.708-07:00Sardar Jokes : Some of the Humorous Sardar JokesSardar Jokes : Some of the Humorous Sardar Jokes<br />4<br />02<br />2009<br />Brilliant Sardarji !!!<br />A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.<br />The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.<br />The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.<br />He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."<br />Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.<br />The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500."<br />This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this! torment, agrees to the game.<br />The American asks the first question, "What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?"<br />The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.<br />"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."<br />So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"<br />The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!<br />He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.<br />Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.<br />Checks the input. All to no avail!<br />Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.<br />The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.<br />The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks,<br />"Well,<br />what’s the answer?"<br />Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and<br />goes back to sleep!<br />———————————————————<br />While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.<br />But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.<br />A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.<br />The sardar simply said …<br />"I am on my way to see a distant relative."<br />———————————————————-<br />Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games<br />of chess to pass the time.<br />They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends<br />dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -<br />"Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"<br />———————————————————-<br />Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station. He asks one man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here"?Man Replies 12.30. "When will Punjab Express go from here"?Man Replies 10.30. "When will Deccan Queen go from here"?Man Replies 12.30. Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.Sardar replies, "NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"<br />————————————————————<br />Once a Sardarji went to the city of Mumbai for the first time to meet his father. His father had asked him to keep walking in the direction of the sunrise until he eventually reached hishouse. Since, the Sardarji was new to the city he decided to ask a passerby the direction in which the sun rose in Mumbai - east, west, north or south?The passerby who was also a Sardarji thought for some time and then said, "Main bhi is sheher mein naya aaya hoon!" ( I am also new in this city!)<br />———————————————————–<br />Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from<br />Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there<br />in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and<br />called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach in<br />the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on<br />the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki<br />hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?)<br />The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,<br />"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate<br />hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy!<br />They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ardar Jokes : Santa banta fishing<br />13<br />01<br />2008<br />Sardar jokes-Engine failure<br />Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."<br />Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines."<br />An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left."<br />A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!"<br />Sardar jokes-Puzzle<br />Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, "51 days! 51 Days!!" About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.<br />Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, "51 days!51 days!!<br />The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, "What on earth are you doing??"<br />"Well," the Sardar says, "everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!<br /><br /><br />Sardar jokes-Going home early<br />Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?<br />The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.<br />The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.<br />The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.<br />The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"<br /><br /><br />Sardar jokes-Hanging for life<br />There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.<br />Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, "I’ll get off."<br />After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.<br />Sardar jokes - Weight loss<br />The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would<br />lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,<br />but he had a problem.<br />"What’s the problem?" asked the doctor.<br />I’m 2400 kms from home.<br />Stumble This Stumble This Digg This Add To Del.icio.us<br />Labels: sardar Jokes, Short funny jokes<br />Short sardarji joke - Accident<br />At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!<br />Sardar : Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?<br />Sardar joke - Santa banta fishing<br />santa singh & banta singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.<br />One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to banta.<br />"There’s lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here<br />tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,<br />santa asked banta , "Did you mark that spot?" banta replied,<br />"Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!" santa said, "You fool! What if we dontUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-45326269724989000672009-04-11T21:48:00.000-07:002009-04-11T21:49:32.787-07:00Sardar JokesJOKES NO 1<br />Santa Singh at KBC<br />Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50″ and "Phone a Friend".<br />Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let’s see what happens next…<br />Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par…<br />Santa Singh gets Tense…<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan ? Your options are…<br />A) Amitabh Bachchan B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar) D) Sanjeev kumar<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Toh Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He’s quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]<br />But Santa is surprisingly still confused…<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai… 50-50 and phone a friend. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.<br />Santa Singh : I think it is A, but I’m not sure.<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Not sure, Hmmm… Aap kya karna chahenge?<br />Santa Singh : I would like to use 50-50…<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye…<br />Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:<br />B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar)<br />Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline…<br />Santa Singh : I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend…<br />Amitabh Bachchan : Aap kisse baat karna chahenge??<br />Santa Singh : Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga…<br />Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan (Thanks to AirTel )<br />Santa Singh : "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?"<br />receiving reply from JAYA Santa faints..<br />GUESS WHY????????? ??<br />Scroll Down<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />V<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />V<br />Jaya Bachchan ask’s him " What are the options?"<br />JOKES NO 2<br />One day a dog was running behind a Santa… But Santa was laughing.<br />Banta asked, "Why you are so happy?<br />He said… "Ah Ah Ah….I have an Airtel mobile with me…But Still Hutch network is following me.."<br />JOKES NO 3<br />Sardar SITTING ON THE TOP OF MOUNTAIN AND STUDYING..WHEN A PERSON ASKED WHAT HE WAS DOING..HE REPLIED ..Oye!!Higher studies Yaar…!!!<br />SARDAR standing on platform suddenly jumps on railway track.<br />Man says sardarji mar jaoge.<br />Sardar : Marega to tu. Suna nahi train platform par aa rahi hai..<br />An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope. A sardar was observing him.Suddenly a star falls, Sardar shouts: Kya nishana lagaya Boss…<br />JOKES NO 4<br />A Sardar Prays Daily for 2 hours"Hey VaheGuru meri Lottery lagade.After 11 yrs VaheGuru angrily appears & says-Abe Sardar 1 bar ticket to le…<br />JOKES NO 5<br />Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.<br />Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"<br />"No," answers the railway man.<br />"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-11509992794971513122009-04-11T21:46:00.002-07:002009-04-11T21:47:46.474-07:00Sardar Jokes : Santa Singh at KBCSadar Jokes : Santa Singh at KBCUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-31098844170900263062009-04-11T21:46:00.001-07:002009-04-11T21:46:40.639-07:00Sardar Jokes : Fresh Sardar JokesBoss : Where were you born ?<br />sardar : Punjab.<br />Boss : which part ?<br />sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.<br />_________________<br />2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.<br />Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.<br />sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.<br />_________________<br />Sardar : What is the name of your car ?<br />Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".<br />Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi<br />petrol se start hoti hai.<br />_________________<br />Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why<br />are you removing a wheel from your auto.<br />sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.<br />_________________<br />Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He<br />gave<br />Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.<br />_________________<br />Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the<br />computer.<br />Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.<br />Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.<br />_________________<br />On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our<br />engagement day will you give me a ring.<br />Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.<br />_________________<br />Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any<br />one before you die?<br />Patient : Yes. A good doctor.<br />_________________<br />How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?<br />Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….<br />_________________<br />Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,<br />Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?<br />Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’<br />_________________<br />Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from<br />NASA to SATYANASA<br />_________________<br />Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.<br />Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?<br />Santa: I’m falling in love.<br />_________________<br />Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets<br />Jeeto: Why 3?<br />Santa: For you and your parents<br />_________________<br />Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.<br />Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.<br />_________________<br />A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein<br />Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.<br />_________________<br />At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!<br />Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?<br />_________________<br />In an interview,<br />Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?<br />Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….<br />Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.<br />Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…<br />_________________<br />Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got<br />irritated…<br />drank poison & said,<br />Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!<br />_________________<br />Banta: U cheated me.<br />Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.<br />Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all<br />India Radio!<br />_________________<br />Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?<br />Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.<br />Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?<br />Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child<br />_________________<br />If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate<br />Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,<br />Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?<br />Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’<br />_________________<br />Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from<br />NASA to SATYANASA<br />_________________<br />Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.<br />Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?<br />Santa: I’m falling in love.<br />_________________<br />Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets<br />Jeeto: Why 3?<br />Santa: For you and your parents<br />_________________<br />Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.<br />Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.<br />_________________<br />A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein<br />Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.<br />_________________<br />At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!<br />Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?<br />_________________<br />In an interview,<br />Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?<br />Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….<br />Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.<br />Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…<br />_________________<br />Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got<br />irritated…<br />drank poison & said,<br />Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!<br />_________________<br />Banta: U cheated me.<br />Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.<br />Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all<br />India<br />Radio!<br />_________________<br />Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?<br />Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.<br />Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?<br />Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child<br />_________________<br />The Russians dug 1000 ft in the ground and found copper wire; they declared Russia had electricity 1000 years back.<br />US dug and found optical fiber and declared US had telephone 2000 years back.<br />A sardar in India found nothing. Then said oye we had wireless technology 5000 years back.<br />_________________<br />Sardar: Last night I saw an English movie .It had no scene nor no sound.<br />Friend Sardar: wow tell me the name of the movie. I too want to see it.<br />Sardar: Please Insert Disc.<br />_________________<br />DIFFERENT SARDAR’S..<br />1.Student Sardar: Me fail English!!!!! Thats Unpossible.<br />2.Police :we’re going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?<br />Thief Sardar : Yes. (lie dectector blows up)<br />3.Father Sardar : Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try<br />4.Patient Sardar: In my dreams monkey play football every night.<br />Doctor: Take this medicine from tonight.<br />Patient Sardar: Can I start from tomorrow because tonight is Final.<br />_________________<br />SARDAR’S BIRTHDAY..<br />Sardar went for an interview, The question was when is your birthday?<br />Sardar: 19th january.<br />Interviewer: which year?<br />Sardar: Nonsense..Every Year.<br />_________________<br />TICKET TICKET..<br />Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children.<br />Conductor: yes only if they are above 8.<br />Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children.<br />_________________<br />SARDAR IN AMERICA..<br />Three Sardarjis went for a tour to America.They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is in the topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel.<br />After taking rest they started for a local visit.<br />While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should reach the hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have to take the steps for which they agreed and went out.<br />After all the entertainment in the city, they reached back late at 10.30.<br />Since lift was not available, they decided to take the stairways under the condition that each sardarji has to tell a story that lasts for 33 floors so that they can reach the 100th floor without much trouble.<br />After first sardarji finished his story in 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,<br />"I have a sad story to say, but i will tell at the end only".<br />Then second sardarji finished his story and the third finished his story and finally they reached the 100th floor.<br />Then first sardarji asked what was the sad story.<br />The third one said,<br />"I forgot the room key which is on the manager’s table".<br />They once again started back to the first floor and this time the second sardarji after crossing 33 floors from top said,<br />" I got a sad story, but I will also say that at the end".<br />They finally reached the first floor and when asked about the sad story, the second sardarji said,<br />" The keys were in my pocket only".<br />With anger and full tired, they once again start from the first floor.<br />After reaching the 33rd floor, the third sardarji said,<br />" I too have a sad story, but I will say at the end only".<br />Then they reached the 100th floor and the second one asked the third sardarji about the sad story, he replied:<br />"This is not our hotel, It is on the other side of road, opposite to this…!!!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-35952799241330752022009-04-11T21:45:00.001-07:002009-04-11T21:45:56.904-07:00Sardar Jokes : Latest Funny JokesOne day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.<br />"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.<br />" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one<br />runner.<br />"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"<br />Exclaimed the Sardar<br />————————————<br />Sardar ki maut bijli girnay say hoi<br />per us ki lash muskuratay hoay mili<br />baghwan ne pocha aisa kiun?<br />to sardar bola "mai nu laga koi photo khinch raiya ae"<br />————————————<br />Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes<br />closed.<br />His wife asked what you are doing?<br />He said-I’m seeing how I look while sleeping<br />————————————<br />ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM, DARLING<br />ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL YOU GIVE ME A RING?<br />HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.<br />————————————-<br />Bhagwan and Banta!<br />Banta finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.<br />He goes into the temple and begins to pray……….. "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.<br />Banta goes back to the temple…………….. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!! Back to the temple……….. "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".<br />Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Banta is confronted by the voice of Lord "BANTA, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".<br />—————————————-<br />Cricketers!<br />Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in heaven.<br />Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him.<br />He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.<br />"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"<br />Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven."<br />"And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow’s match!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-36645176299545278852009-04-11T21:44:00.000-07:002009-04-11T21:45:19.200-07:00Sardar Jokes : Some of the Humorous Sardar JokesWhile travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.<br />But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.<br />A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.<br />The sardar simply said …<br />"I am on my way to see a distant relative."<br />———————————————————-<br />Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games<br />of chess to pass the time.<br />They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends<br />dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -<br />"Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"<br />———————————————————-<br />Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station. He asks one man "When will Rajdhani Express go from here"?Man Replies 12.30. "When will Punjab Express go from here"?Man Replies 10.30. "When will Deccan Queen go from here"?Man Replies 12.30. Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.Sardar replies, "NO. I only want to cross the tracks!"<br />————————————————————<br />Once a Sardarji went to the city of Mumbai for the first time to meet his father. His father had asked him to keep walking in the direction of the sunrise until he eventually reached hishouse. Since, the Sardarji was new to the city he decided to ask a passerby the direction in which the sun rose in Mumbai - east, west, north or south?The passerby who was also a Sardarji thought for some time and then said, "Main bhi is sheher mein naya aaya hoon!" ( I am also new in this city!)<br />———————————————————–<br />Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from<br />Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there<br />in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and<br />called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn’t reach in<br />the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on<br />the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki<br />hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?)<br />The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,<br />"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate<br />hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy!<br />They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-457260886407907205.post-12844215074209862192009-04-11T21:37:00.000-07:002009-04-11T21:44:26.288-07:00Sardar Jokes- Few MoreBrilliant Sardarji !!!<br />A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.<br />The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.<br />The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.<br />He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."<br />Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.<br />The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500."<br />This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this! torment, agrees to the game.<br />The American asks the first question, "What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?"<br />The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.<br />"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."<br />So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"<br />The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!<br />He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.<br />Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.<br />Checks the input. All to no avail!<br />Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.<br />The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.<br />The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks,<br />"Well,<br />what’s the answer?"<br />Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and<br />goes back to sleep!<br /><br />Mrs. Jasbir Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour.<br />One day she hung up after 25 minutes….<br />"What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."<br />"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Jasbir Singh.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sardar Jokes : Air travel of Sardarji<br />One Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.<br />But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.<br />After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat.<br />But the Sardaji told, "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".<br />The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Sardarji to leave that seat but Sardarji did not leave.<br />Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.<br />Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.<br />Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Sardarji?<br />Captain told, "nothing… Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and all others will go to Jalandhar."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0